Sunday, July 4, 2010
I am always amazed when a total stranger "gets" me. Happened yesterday. I was getting my hair cut & was using a new stylist. We had talked about this & that when she made the comment "You are a free spirit". I laughed & said she was right. I found it amazing that she figured that out after a hit & miss kind of conversation. Truly amazing.
I think some of it came from the fact that I was totally relaxed, completely peaceful & content. No stress. I started my new job on Thursday. It is going good, alot to absord & get caught up but I come home tired in a very contented, "got something accomplished" kind of way. It is a good tired. I am happy. Overwhelmed somewhat but happy. I have a very nice peaceful office. Everyone works all day, not alot of chatter, so far no drama. There is a very good vibe in the office. I noticed that the first time I interviewed there. Really nice vibe.
I was thinking today how much has changed in my life the last 40 yrs since high school graduation. Seems so long ago but also such a short time ago. I have seen so much, experienced so much, had such wonderful adventures, experienced such tragedy & joy. I am not the Oklahoma Girl I was that May night when I walked across the stage & received my high school diploma nor am I the same Oklahoma Girl who walked across the stage three years later on a hot August morning to receive my BA degree. How I have grown, but in some ways I have stayed the same only I have become free to be who I was meant to be. I have courage now that I never thought I possessed. I have a strength that sometimes is a surprise even to me. I am gutsy & brave. Two things I never was in high school or college or even as a young adult. When ex-husband #2 told me I had changed when I explained why I could no longer be his wife, I agreed. I explained Life had changed me. He meant it as an insult, I meant it as a compliment to myself. If I had not changed I would be dead now. If I had not changed I would not be who I am today & I like the woman into whom I have evolved. I like being strong, brave, gutsy, irreverant with a cutting sense of humor, a bend toward scarcasim, a strong belief in Great Spirit, & a deep sense of all that I cannot see. I am glad to have embraced my gifts, of being able to see what others sometimes cannot, of being in tune with the Spiritual world. I am happy that I have been able to reinvent the Oklahoma Girl I once was into the Oklahoma Girl I am today. I have kept that which was good, thrown away that which did not suit me, added the things that I want to be a part of me, embraced those things that make me different from others. I have evolved into a complete person.
I am fine-tuning the last reinvention right now. I got stuck for a couple of years in a deadend job that was sucking the joy out of me. I got mired in someone else's mud. Well, I just took myself a big old truck & pulled my show out. I am moving on down the road now, free of mud, following the sun. I am getting back to the world of positive thinking, knowing that the Universe is indeed spinning in the right direction taking me toward my true Destiny. I feel hopeful!! I know that I will be able to work, then leave the work behind when I lock my office door. I will be able to get back to my writing (not the blog, but my writing that I hope someday will be published), get back to my spiritual practices, my reading, my art. I will begin again to truly take care of myself -- mind, body, spirit. I feel free now rather than trapped in a life that I did not want. There will be changes. When they will all transpire I do not know, but I know there are a couple of things I need to do for myself so that I can be truly my authentic self.
I do hear the beat of my own drum. I am a free spirit set on experiencing Life & all it has to offer. I love Adventure, I love my Journey, I embrace the lessons I have learned & the ones yet to learn. I relish what is about to unfold in my Destiny.
So for now, all I can say is "Look out World" 'cause I'm back.