Sunday, July 4, 2010

Free Spirit

I am always amazed when a total stranger "gets" me.  Happened yesterday.  I was getting my hair cut & was using a new stylist.  We had talked about this & that when she made the comment "You are a free spirit".  I laughed & said she was right.  I found it amazing that she figured that out after a hit & miss kind of conversation.  Truly amazing.

I think some of it came from the fact that I was totally relaxed, completely peaceful & content.  No stress.  I started my new job on Thursday.  It is going good, alot to absord & get caught up but I come home tired in a very contented, "got something accomplished" kind of way.  It is a good tired.  I am happy.  Overwhelmed somewhat but happy.  I have a very nice peaceful office.  Everyone works all day, not alot of chatter, so far no drama.  There is a very good vibe in the office.  I noticed that the first time I interviewed there.  Really nice vibe.

I was thinking today how much has changed in my life the last 40 yrs since high school graduation.  Seems so long ago but also such a short time ago.  I have seen so much, experienced so much, had such wonderful adventures, experienced such tragedy & joy.  I am not the Oklahoma Girl I was that May night when I walked across the stage & received my high school diploma nor am I the same Oklahoma Girl who walked across the stage three years later on a hot August morning to receive my BA degree.   How I have grown, but in some ways I have stayed the same only I have become free to be who I was meant to be.  I have courage now that I never thought I possessed.  I have a strength that sometimes is a surprise even to me.  I am gutsy & brave.  Two things I never was in high school or college or even as a young adult.  When ex-husband #2 told me I had changed when I explained why I could no longer be his wife, I agreed.  I explained Life had changed me.  He meant it as an insult, I meant it as a compliment to myself.  If I had not changed I would be dead now.  If I had not changed I would not be who I am today & I like the woman into whom I have evolved.  I like being strong, brave, gutsy, irreverant with a cutting sense of humor, a bend toward scarcasim, a strong belief in Great Spirit, & a deep sense of all that I cannot see.  I am glad to have embraced my gifts, of being able to see what others sometimes cannot, of being in tune with the Spiritual world.  I am happy that I have been able to reinvent the Oklahoma Girl I once was into the Oklahoma Girl I am today.  I have kept that which was good, thrown away that which did not suit me, added the things that I want to be a part of me, embraced those things that make me different from others. I have evolved into a complete person. 

I am fine-tuning the last reinvention right now.  I got stuck for a couple of years in a deadend job that was sucking the joy out of me.  I got mired in someone else's mud.  Well, I just took myself a big old truck & pulled my show out.  I am moving on down the road now, free of mud, following the sun.   I am getting back to the world of positive thinking, knowing that the Universe is indeed spinning in the right direction taking me toward my true Destiny.  I feel hopeful!!  I know that I will be able to work, then leave the work behind when I lock my office door.  I will be able to get back to my writing (not the blog, but my writing that I hope someday will be published), get back to my spiritual practices, my reading, my art.  I will begin again to truly take care of myself -- mind, body, spirit.  I feel free now rather than trapped in a life that I did not want.  There will be changes.  When they will all transpire I do not know, but I know there are a couple of things I need to do for myself so that I can be truly my authentic self.

I do hear the beat of my own drum. I am a free spirit set on experiencing Life & all it has to offer. I love Adventure, I love my Journey, I embrace the lessons I have learned & the ones yet to learn.  I relish what is about to unfold in my Destiny. 

So for now, all I can say is "Look out World" 'cause I'm back.

~~blessed be...