Tuesday, May 25, 2010
One of my favorite sayings. Seems to be appropo in most of my life situations. I was reflecting on this one day last week when I was facing a situation (nothing serious) where I bit my tongue not to say "This ain't my first rodeo". How true, how true. My life has been one "rodeo" after another. Cowboys, horses (including the iron ones), cattle stampedes, storms, bad guys, oil field workers, saloon girls, the "law", moves across the Country dragging all I owned with me (leaving some along the way).
Back in the day, I dated a bull rider (he was also a tool pusher with an oil company) & then a calf roper (worked on a ranch). We hauled to rodeos all over. Bull riders are crazy. They have to be. LOL He failed to give me an important piece of information however---married w/kids. When I found out (he gave me his home phone number -what a fool- & the wife answered one night), & he finally got me to talk to him, he told me "I knew if I told you I was married you wouldn't go out with me". Duh!! Calf roper was at least single. Just not stable boyfriend or husband material. That relationship lasted about 6 seconds. Then there was the biker who rode a Harley. Found out he was a member of the KKK. Ran for the nearest exit on that one too. He never knew I found out.
The storms have been of the emotional sort. They come along in everyone's life. It is not so much the damage from the storm as how you weather it. I have weathered them well as it turns out. Not always so sure when I was in the midst of it all, but looking back it's all good because I walked out with my life, dignity, & self-respect. I have been battered & bruised but I have not been beaten. Life has handed me some struggles but I am who I am because of them. I am a better woman than I could have ever hoped to be if I had not faced adversity.
I have been considering undergoing hypnosis to try & remember all that I cannot remember of my childhood. I have very few memories of my years before my late teens early 20's. Just bits & pieces of things that float up now & again. Most of my childhood I rebuilt based on talks I had with my brother & things he remembered (he had a very good memory of our childhood, but I am 5 yrs older). I just cannot remember anything, never could. I really would like some questions answered but I wonder if knowing would be worse than not remembering. I just don't know. I have survived alot in adulthood, & I remember all of it. Maybe it just isn't important to remember anything else. Maybe it is all buried in the deep recesses of my mind for a reason. So, no decision on the hypnosis. Sometimes I want to, sometimes I say Nay just let it lie.
Yep, this ain't my first rodeo. And, it won't be my last. Whatever comes along I know I can not only handle it, I can survive it.
Monday, May 10, 2010
"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship."--Buddha
My brother played this song for me one afternoon as we were driving home from OKC. He told me he wanted it played at his funeral, & it was. The words speak to me on so many levels. And for some reason when I read the quote above I thought of this song. I think it's because I have health, I am content (as was my brother even when he knew he was terminal), & while neither of us were successful at marriage I know that both of us have/had successful relationships because we are faithful friends.
Yesterday, I got a call from my Big Guy in Seattle to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. It was a very nice surprise. He had spoken with his aunt & since his cousin was there they chatted also. As he was concluding our chat, he said "I love you. I told my cousin that we may disagree, argue, etc but I love you & I hope you know that." I told him that I do know that, it is the constant that has been in my life since I was 14. I have never doubted his love. We can't seem to make a life together come together but I have no doubt of his love for me. I love him also. It is the longest relationship of my life, the only truly successful relationship I have ever had with a guy--44 years this Fall. We probably would have destroyed each other if we had actually married that long ago--we were two damaged people who had to find our way to contentment & peace. Don't think we could have done it together because the Journey has lead us down very different paths. Sometimes the paths have converged but mostly not. I cherish him in my life. Someday who knows what may happen, but he is my rock, someone I can call in the middle of the night & he will wake up & be there for me. He would catch a plane on a moment's notice to be with me if I needed him. All I have to do is ask. I am blessed to have him in my life.
So, I sometimes lament my failed marriages. But I have good, strong relationships with people. Relationships with friends who truly know me, they "get" me, they accept the authentic me. And, I feel the same about them. So, in that context, I am successful. I am content in my life, with the mistakes I have made, with the Path I am now walking in my Journey. Therefore, I may lack material wealth, but I am wealthy beyond measure. I am blessed with good health despite my own attempts to abuse body & mind in my youth. Sleeping with a CPAP machine & taking thyroid meds every day are just inconsequencial when others suffer so much. I am a blessed woman & I know it. I thank Great Spirit everyday for all that has been given me.
"I've been talking to my angel, and he says that it's alright"
A - Age: 58
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: dusting - a necessary evil
D - Dog(s') name: Lobo, Scrappy, & Zane
E - Essential start your day item: Caffiene
F - Favorite color: Red
G - Gold or Silver or Platinum: Silver
H - Height: 5'7"
I - Instruments you play(ed): zilch, zero, nada, not a one
J - Job title: Administrative Assistant/Office Mgr
K - Kid(s): Son age 33
L - Living arrangements: House w/ 3 dogs
M - Mom's name: LaDell
N - Nicknames: Sweet Thang, "D", Wild Child
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Wisdom teeth extracted, complete hysterectomy (after going through menopause--WHAT THE HECK is up with THAT?!?!?!?!!)
P - Pet Peeve: People who DO NOT use their turn signals.
Q - Quote from a movie/show: "there are people in this world to save you when you need saving, to cover your ass when it needs covering, and who are always there when you need someone to lean on"--The YaYa Sisterhood
R - Right handed or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: One brother
T - Time you wake up: 5:30am-6:00am on weekdays; 7:00am-8:00am on weekends
U- Underwear: Yeah, yeah. I live in a smalltown, just one accident & the tongues would wag for a month if I didn't
V - Vegetable you dislike: Beets
W - Why you run late: I don't
X - X-rays you've had: Teeth, back, shoulder, chest, collarbone
Y - Yummy food you make: Key Lime Pie
Z - Zoo favorite: I don't visit zoos anymore. I do go to animal sanctuaries especially the ones that rescue wolves (my Totem animal)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I’ve watched the sun set on Key West
Saturday, May 1, 2010
~~ Lao Tzu "