Tuesday, May 25, 2010
This ain't my first rodeo...
One of my favorite sayings. Seems to be appropo in most of my life situations. I was reflecting on this one day last week when I was facing a situation (nothing serious) where I bit my tongue not to say "This ain't my first rodeo". How true, how true. My life has been one "rodeo" after another. Cowboys, horses (including the iron ones), cattle stampedes, storms, bad guys, oil field workers, saloon girls, the "law", moves across the Country dragging all I owned with me (leaving some along the way).
Back in the day, I dated a bull rider (he was also a tool pusher with an oil company) & then a calf roper (worked on a ranch). We hauled to rodeos all over. Bull riders are crazy. They have to be. LOL He failed to give me an important piece of information however---married w/kids. When I found out (he gave me his home phone number -what a fool- & the wife answered one night), & he finally got me to talk to him, he told me "I knew if I told you I was married you wouldn't go out with me". Duh!! Calf roper was at least single. Just not stable boyfriend or husband material. That relationship lasted about 6 seconds. Then there was the biker who rode a Harley. Found out he was a member of the KKK. Ran for the nearest exit on that one too. He never knew I found out.
The storms have been of the emotional sort. They come along in everyone's life. It is not so much the damage from the storm as how you weather it. I have weathered them well as it turns out. Not always so sure when I was in the midst of it all, but looking back it's all good because I walked out with my life, dignity, & self-respect. I have been battered & bruised but I have not been beaten. Life has handed me some struggles but I am who I am because of them. I am a better woman than I could have ever hoped to be if I had not faced adversity.
I have been considering undergoing hypnosis to try & remember all that I cannot remember of my childhood. I have very few memories of my years before my late teens early 20's. Just bits & pieces of things that float up now & again. Most of my childhood I rebuilt based on talks I had with my brother & things he remembered (he had a very good memory of our childhood, but I am 5 yrs older). I just cannot remember anything, never could. I really would like some questions answered but I wonder if knowing would be worse than not remembering. I just don't know. I have survived alot in adulthood, & I remember all of it. Maybe it just isn't important to remember anything else. Maybe it is all buried in the deep recesses of my mind for a reason. So, no decision on the hypnosis. Sometimes I want to, sometimes I say Nay just let it lie.
Yep, this ain't my first rodeo. And, it won't be my last. Whatever comes along I know I can not only handle it, I can survive it.