blessed be...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Woman, honor thyself...
blessed be...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
For Jen
if you had a 12-year-old daughter and only a week to live what would you tell her? i'm not dying or anything, but bombarded by the thought that my daughter will spring from home in six or seven fast years.
- Find your passion & live it. If you are passionate about what you do, you will be successful. Maybe not in society's estimation, but your life will be meaningful & fulfulling.
- Never, never allow yourself to be defined by a man. Your identity is your own, no one can give that to you or take that away from you.
- Always have your own money. Keep money that is yours separate. It may be money you earned or inherited, but always have enough money of your own to be independent. Should the unexpected happen you will be able to take care of yourself & your family, if you have one.
- Get an education. It may not be a formal college degree, but be educated. Whatever it is you choose to do as a living outside your home, learn all you can & stay current with the knowledge, even if you are not actively working in that field. You might be a stay at home mom, but keep up with your chosen career. You never know when you might have to rejoin the workforce. Make sure your skills stay current.
- Always see the wonder in life. Be in awe of the beauty of a sunrise, sunset, thunderstorm, the night sky, a bright sunny day. Rejoice in the miracle of birth whether it be a child or an animal. See the beauty in a smile.
- In the words of Maya Angelou - "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". Trust your instincts. Listen to that small quiet voice deep within. If something does not feel right, it isn't. If you feel the need to run, RUN!! Always, always trust yourself.
- Believe in Great Spirit or whatever you choose to call that which is greater than us. There is something bigger than us, more knowing, benevolent, loving, & just waiting for you to ask for guidance.
- Know that you are here for a purpose. While it may take you a lifetime to find that purpose you will find it. All the roads you take will continue to lead you to that purpose no matter your detours. Keep looking, keep trusting, keep believing.
- Live by your sense of right & wrong. Do not allow anyone to sway you away from your beliefs, your sense of morality. Do not give pieces of yourself away to someone who is not worthy.
- Be careful of your friends. Choose people who share your belief system, your sense of morality. While you may not believe it now, you will become known by the company you keep. Be sure that the image you project is the image you want others to have of you.
- No matter what anyone says, it is important to "save yourself" for marriage. There is no such thing as casual sex. There is always an emotional connection for a girl & hurt, blame, & self recrimination can run very deep. Just because you don't go "all the way" does not mean you didn't have sex. Any form of sexual contact carries consequences that can have a very heavy price. Pregnancy is not the only thing that can happen. Sexually transmitted diseases can be with you for a lifetime and have a lifetime of consequences. HIV is real & is still a death sentence even with the treatments available. This kind of decision outside of a mature, committed relationship can alter the course of your life.
- For every action there is a consequence. So always think about your life decisions before you make them. Don't just decide to do something without throughly examining the pros & cons. This goes for who to date/marry, where to live, buying a car, buying a house, having children, a job. Remember this in all life-changing decisions. Make a list -- pros/cons, weigh them out, make an informed decision.
- Always, always love yourself. Know that you are perfect just as you are. Be self-confident, self-reliant. Believe in yourself as the unique individual you were created to be.
- In the midst of adversity always remember to stop & say Thank You. It can be a prayer, a plea, a statement, an affirmation. If the only prayer you say at night is Thank you, it is enough.
- Never be afraid to apologize. Always say "I'm sorry" if you have hurt someone. Few do, but it can make a world of difference to you & the other person toward growth. It is hard, but it will heal hearts.
- Life is a Journey, not a destination. Live fully, be happy, travel, learn about other cultures, expand your knowledge of the world, be open to new ideas, do not be afraid to go skydiving or mountain climbing or anything else that you think might be fun. It is the Adventure of the Journey that broadens us as individuals in order for us to fully realize who we are meant to be as a humanbeing.
- Remember...we are spiritual beings having a human experience. That which is your spirit, your energy, is your true authentic self. Always honor that authenticity. Be honest, be honorable, live by your word, be a friend, be kind, be compassionate. Give of yourself. Even if it is just a smile to a stranger on the street. That may be the only smile that person has seen in awhile.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Inquiring minds want to know...
I have concluded my 7 Random Facts about myself plus adding a bonus Random Fact #8. Anyone who would like to share their Random Facts, feel free to do so on your blog. Just let me know in the comments so I can visit & learn more about you.
Additionally, when I have read memes from others, their posts sometimes open up questions that I would like to ask. So, based on the Random Facts or anything else you have read on my blog, do you have questions for me? Ya'll know I am bluntly honest & that nothing about me is really off limits so if you have a pressing question or if you are curious about me or something I have written leave your question in the comments of this blog. If you read me on Facebook, please connect to my blog to ask your questions. I will answer all the questions on my next post. Send um my way dear readers. I want to know all of ya'll better so you need to know me better. Also, if there is anything that you would like to see me post more about please let me know. Suggestions are always welcome.
Looking forward to some fun with this one.
blessed be...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Random Facts #8 -- The Bonus
Random Fact #8 -- I want to be a standup comedian
Yep, that's right. I want to do comedy. I really never thought I was all that funny, but others always have & still do. My life offers lots of material & I have on occassion launched into my "routine" as a way to mask the pain of the situation I am relating. Trust me, I don't make this stuff up I just put a humorous spin on it (if you have listened to me tell a story or relate an incident you just may have experienced this). Laughter is healing & comedy can give a wonderful perspective to something one considers painful.
I have done material on my Mother & our relationship, my foray into the Pentecostal church (which I loved btw & would never disrespect, but some things I have witnessed are funny), my ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, situtations in which I have found myself throughout my life, even my son. If I have experienced it, I have made a joke about it. My Mom has made me promise that I will not take my show on the road until she is dead. She thinks someone might recognize her in my routine. Well, duh!!!
Anyway, that is my secret (until now) ambition. I would love to stand on a stage every night & exorcise my past through humor. Truth is stranger than fiction. And my life would make a sitcom.
blessed be...
Friday, October 16, 2009
Random Fact #7
Random Fact #7 -- I have been writing a novel for the last 10 years.
Not full-time, obviously, but sometimes more than others. I have written several short stories, started another couple of novels, & I wrote an Easter play for the church I attended several years ago (very well received btw). I haven't written anything for the last few years except my journal & this blog. The book is always in the back of my mind & lately I have been toying with the idea of leaving it as is as sort of a short story, combining it with my other short stories & partially written novels & seeing how that feels to me for a published work. I would like to take some of my writings from this blog & my two previous ones for combination into another book. I really enjoy writing, telling my stories (both true & imaginary). I made up stories to tell my son when he was little. I like storytelling. I think it is a part of my heritage (Irish-great storytellers, Native-history was verbal & passed down through stories). I enjoy the written word, painting pictures with words. I like verbal storytelling because I can interject my humor & emotions in the telling. This leads me into a bonus Random Fact. Look for Random Fact #8 coming soon.
blessed be...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Random Fact #6
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Random Fact #5
Random Fact #2 -- I was married to a professional gambler
Random Fact #3 -- I am multi-racial
Random Fact #4 -- I graduated from college in 3 yrs
Random Fact #5 -- I am an actress. Yep, I actually had a supporting role in an independent film shot in Dale, OK .
Outsiders Productions is an OK film company founded by Adam Hampton & Jason Alexander. They were film students at ECU & one day I saw an interview with them in the school newspaper. They were still looking to cast the part of the lead characters step-mother. Well, I was the right age, I have a drama degree, & at the time I was going through my brother's last year of life in the world. I needed to find something to do that was just for me. Something that took my mind off all that was going on in my life at the time. So, I called them up & auditioned. I had such a blast working on this project. They guys delivered the rough cut to me just weeks before Dave died. He was so excited to see his big sis on film. So he got to see me act before he left for his next adventure. After "Looking for Hope" I did some extra work with a small speaking part for Outsiders in the film "Bowlin Alley" shot in Ada, OK at the local bowling alley. Very funny film &, again, I had a blast working with these talented young people. Who knows, maybe they will have another part for me one day. In the meantime, I have the DVD to leave to my grandkids. I also did a short film at ECU for one of the film students called "The Widows Club". It is a very dark comedy. Again, such fun to do the part.
So, I sometimes think about getting involved again with theater, but I really prefer the film genre. I enjoy the process of filming, being able to look at the dailies & critique my work before it is finalized. Will I ever aggresively pursue an acting career? No, but it is fun to get outside yourself & be someone else once in a while. I found so much in my own life to draw on for the character of Gretta in "Looking for Hope". It was a creative outlet to get rid of some baggage. Plus it was just fun. We filmed in the rain, cold, heat, inside, outside. But I loved the process. I really need to get back in touch with those guys. See what they have going on.
Oh, BTW I think this is funny. When I was traveling to Seattle every three months to spend time with my then fiance (and working on "Looking for Hope" at the time), I flew in one evening with Lobo in tow (he was just 6 months old & my only furkid at the time) & met Big Guy curbside outside of baggage claim. As we were leaving there was very little traffic (quite unusual for SeaTac) & he commented that there was huge traffic jam getting into the airport so he was surprised that we were just flying out with no problems. I laughed as I was putting on my shades & said "Dodged the paparazzi once again".
blessed be...
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Back In The Day//Random Fact #4
To recap:
- Random Fact #1 -- I was a cocktail waitress in Nevada
- Random Fact #2 -- I was married to a professional gambler
- Random Fact #3 -- I am multi-racial
Random Fact #4
I graduated from college in 3 yrs (actually 3 years 3 months).
I started to college two weeks after I graduated from High School. I was so excited to move away from home. First time I had ever been able to make my own decisions, choose who I would date without asking permission from my father. The freedom was quite mind-boggling. But I loved living in the dorm, choosing how my days would progress, making new friends.
During Summer School, only one dorm was open back in the day. So it was co-ed with sections for girls & sections for guys. I went to school back in the day when girls were still locked in after certain hours & you had to sign in & out of the dorm when you left. I lived in co-ed housing during the Summer & an all girls dorm Fall & Spring semesters. The guys had no such restrictions. Can you say double standard!!!????!!! But still it was more freedom than I had ever known in my life.
I advised my parents that so long as a dorm was open & classes offered I would not be coming home. I didn't go home on weekends, I only went home on breaks & between semesters when the dorms were closed. I took classes anytime they were offered. I went regular semesters & what was then called mini-mesters (classes offered between regular semesters). In doing so, I was a Freshman, a Junior, a Senior. I completely skipped my Sophomore year because of my credit hours.
I dated an art student, several Viet Nam vets, & finally my first husband. We were "dropped"(a pendent with his initials), promised (I got a very small , can you say chip, diamond promise ring one Christmas of which my dad made fun), engaged the following Summer (a 1/4 carat diamond ring he picked out which sadly I never liked. May have foretold the direction of the marriage), & finally married our last year in college & lived in Married Student Housing. I liked being a wife. After all, my parents by their own admission had sent me to college to find a husband. I wanted to go to law school, travel to Europe, but none of that happened. He graduated the following May & I graduated in August. We both worked at the bookstore on campus plus my Mom continued to pay for my tuition & books. He was going to school on the GI Bill. For college students we were very well off. Our friends ate at our apartment often because I cooked & we had the money to grocery shop for steaks, etc. It was a good time. I baked all the time so our friends who worked on the ground crew were always knocking on the door for snacks. That was one of the best times in my life.
So, I earned my B.A. in Education (major in Drama, minor in English) in 3 years (1970-1973).
Go Tigers!!!!
blessed be...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
7 Random Facts - Part 3
I am multi-racial. The pictures above honor some of my heritage.
While I was blond, blue-eyed w/freckles when I was a child I am in fact of the following heritage:
- Cherokee
- Choctaw
- African-American
- Irish
- English
- German
- Southern
I am Cherokee, Irish, German (3rd or 4th generation in the US), & English on my Mother's side -Choctaw & Irish on my Dad's. My African-American ancestors come from my Dad's Choctaw side. When my brother was first on the APD, he went on a call one night, & he advised the person to whose house he responded to come to the station the next day to file a complaint. When the person arrived, he was asked which officer had come on the call. He had failed to remember the name but responded "the black officer". There were no African-American officers on the force. My brother looked like a full-blood Indian but he did have strong African-American features also so I guess that dark night that is what the person saw.
All my life I have lived with people looking at me & making an assumption that I am white. I have had some very troubling comments made to me &/or in my presence because the person thought it was ok to make a prejudicial statement or use a derogotory epitath in my presence based on that assumption. I am quick to voice my disgust & have on several occasions asked "What nationality/race do you think I am?" Then I proceed to tell my heritage. It is always interesting to see the look on someone's face when I let them know that I am a "....... Indian" , "lazy Irish", ".....German", "Redneck Southerner", or that I have black ancesters.
I consider myself to be a citizen of the World, a member of the Human Race, an Indian (with no Indian name). I have the attitude of a Black Woman, the gift of Second Sight that comes from both my Irish & Native blood, & the gift of compassion that comes from identifying with all of my ancestors. I was not raised to be prejudiced. That was the one good thing my parents did in raising me. But, I also was not raised to be embrace my heritage. I came to that on my own. I have embraced all that has gone into making me the person I am today. I know who I am. I know why I am who I am.
I am proud to be all of the above. As my license plate proclaims "G.R.I.T.S." an acronim for Girl Raised in the South I am proud of the positive things it means to be Southern - grace, hospitality, a sense of community. I have African-American art in my home, I smudge my house & myself with sage in the Native tradition. I honor the beliefs of all my ancestors. I honor Mother Earth, my Totem (who is important in both my Tribes), my gifts of Second Sight, visions, my intuition which comes from both my Irish & Native ancestors. I think my story-telling ablilites come from both my Irish & Native heritage. The Irish are wonderful storytellers & Native Americans have always used verbal history before there was a written history.
I am blessed to have had all the ancestors who came before me. They live within my Spirit & influence my Journey each day.
I bet you know which Wolf I fed.
blessed be...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Back in the Day - Part 2
To continue along the Casino road of my life. Random Fact #2
I was once married to a professional gambler. Yep, Dud #2, aka Cowboy, was a professional card player. He had made his living that way for years before I met him. I had sat at the card tables with him many times. He was a good player. He knew odds & percentages. He knew the angles, he calculated his moves. He didn't take risks. He was a solid player. Or so it seemed
Let me say, however, that he had a glitch or two when we were in Mesquite. He went to Vegas one day to play & proceeded to come home without the Christmas fund. I could have killed him. My son had Christmas though. I saw to that.
Then...The day we moved to Las Vegas, one of his friends/fellow card players from WA won the World Series of Poker. While Cowboy was happy for his friend he was also very jealous. Kept saying "I'm a better player, I could win that." Now, here we were in Vegas - again I was looking for a job & told many times I was not the "Vegas Type", translated to mean no silicone. Well, DUH!!! Now, Cowboy was on a mission to prove to everyone he was a better card player than a guy who just won the World Series of Poker. CRAP!! As if I didn't have enough going on in my life. Now he was going to go back to playing cards for a living as he had done for several years before I met him. CRAP!!! Just when I had, or so I thought, convinced him that a full-time job was really what he should be doing. His idea of a full-time job was to go to work in a poker room as a shill. CRAP!!! He still had to gamble with his own money to keep the game going. My idea of a full-time job was dealing blackjack which he had done in Reno years before, tending bar which he could do, working in a hotel or a store. Selling cars, he had done that years before too. But, he would have none of my ideas so back to the card rooms he went. He would have good days. In fact, he had a real run of good luck for quite sometime. Then he would have to pawn his diamond rings to get another buyin to a game. Those rings were in & out of the pawn shop quite a few times over the next few years. I found a job. he played cards. When he was winning he was a joy to be around, but when he lost I would have just as soon moved to Alaska & stayed there til his luck returned. I was told so many times I was bad luck because he did not feel that I was supportive enough of his career. CAREER!!!!???? What career??? I was working to support 3 people & keep the bills paid. His money went to the card rooms. Never really knew how much he won/lost.
During the last year we lived in Vegas he got on a very bad losing streak. He had lost before but never that badly. He was all stressed out, had gained 70-80 lbs and was mad, really mad, all the time. He had been abusive to me over the years (it starts gradually & then escalates. That's how you get sucked into the pattern) but now he was downright mean. Verbally, physically, emotionally. I realized, and my friends started to comment, that I was very very afraid of him. He was an ex-boxer & much bigger/stronger than me. I called Gamblers Anonymous for advice. He stopped gambling all together but then he just sat around the house all day moping & harassing me at work or he would come to the bar & sit there all day watching me. My life was deteriorating around me rapidly. He finally, in a moment of weakness, admitted that he had been winning on the tables all along. But as he would leave to come home there was this one particular poker machine that just called his name, then proceeded to eat his lunch. He just knew he could beat that machine, it became personal. So the winnings all got pissed away to a mechnical opponent. At this point, I filed for divorce. When that happened he called a childhood friend in OR & flew there to try to get his head back on straight. As abused women will do, I panicked. How would I survive all alone, just me & the kid, in Vegas?? Looking back I would have done quite well. After all I was making really good money & living well especially since I no longer had a gambler dragging me down. Friends offered to babysit for me, I was the manager at the bar by now so I rearranged the schedule so I no longer worked nights. Then he called. I had a major panic attack, quit my job, packed up myself & the kid & hit the road to OR. Drove straight through from Vegas to Portland stopping only for gas & drive thrus.
And, that dear readers is how I got to Oregon.
blessed be...
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Back in the Day--Part 1


My good friend, Barry @ http://www.sulustu.blogspot.com/ tagged me for this meme. Seven Random/Weird Things about yourself. Well, ya'll probably know there are several weird things about me LOL. You guys know alot about me already since I tend to be very honest about myself. So, for several days, I have been thinking what 7 random/weird things would I tell that are new, interesting, etc. Today is Number 1 on the list. I will post them, as Barry did, in installments. Maybe one each day, maybe once a week. Who knows, we'll just see where the muse leads.
Friday, September 11, 2009
09/11/2001
As all Americans did, I watched the horror unfold. I called my brother, a police officer, & told him "I love you" "Be careful". No one knew what would continue to unfold that day. What else might happen.
As the day(s) unfolded the memory that has stayed with me was this:
A NY firefighter went into one of the Towers & did not come out. His brother, a NYPD officer, stood vigil at the point where he entered the building vowing not to move until his brother's body was recovered. He refused food/drink. He stood vigil for his fallen brother. Today that still brings tears to my eyes & an ache in my heart. Standing vigil...
blessed be....
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Shaving Cream World
Sometimes a memory from long ago will come to me out of the blue. I know why this one came to mind. I was soaking a very hot tub tonight. Something I have always liked to do when I am tired or have sore muscles. Tonight my shoulders were kinda stiff so I ran a hot bath. Something I have not been able to do for the last two years because my former abode had only a shower. New house has two bathrooms. One has a tub so I soak.As I was enjoying the bath salts & hot water I remembered the Shaving Cream World. Hadn't thought of that in a very long time. When I was a little girl there were not the very cool tub toys kids have today. The crayons that work with water & what not. Oh we had some boats & duckies but those lose their appeal quickly for a child with a vivid imagination. So one day I discovered the wonders of shaving cream. You could build all kinds of things that floated. For many a night I would take long soaks & build a shaving cream world. Islands, mountains, animals all surrounded me. I loved those moments. Then came the day when I had my world just about the way I wanted it & was enjoying the view. Bathroom door sprung open & the Shaving Cream World was discovered. Evidently my dad had noticed his shaving cream was not lasting as long as it had. Why I was suspected I cannot imagine. But I was discovered, yelled at profusely, & admonished to never touch the shaving cream again. I didn't. I missed the Shaving Cream World. But I still enjoyed a long soak in a hot tub.
Strange, my parents never thought my imagination was cool or funny. Mostly it got me in trouble. I like to think if my son had discovered the Shaving Cream World I would have just laughed & maybe helped him with construction.
Maybe next time I decide to have a long hot soak I will have to take a can with me. I'm sure the Shaving Cream World still awaits. After all, now it's my dime that buys it. ~smiles~
blessed be...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Saving Grace
Monday, August 3, 2009
I'm baaaack!!!
Sparky found the problem with the Yardbug (my small riding mower), broken shifter cable. That is why it was stuck in neutral. Good thing, that way we were able to ascertain that after cleaning the carborator, changing the oil, & spark plug as well as putting on a new tire it still runs after sitting for a year. We were able to check it out by finally manually shifting it via the control box into forward & I got to run around the yard a bit. We went online, ordered the part, & after the comment from Sparky, "you're probably not going to change it so might as well ship it to my house" we finalized the order & the part should be on its way to SPARKY this week. I wasn't gonna change it. Why does he think I have him in my life anyway?!?!?!?! LOL
This is the other funny thing. Sparky, in the beginning of our latest adventure together-3+ yrs ago now (9yrs off & on totally)-was not too enamoured with "the boys". Dogs LOVE him BTW. He is just one of those people that dogs think are cool. Mine puppy pounch on him continually & sit on him while we watch TV, trying to sneak in the occasional kiss not to mention hugs. Anywho...he has come to love the pupsters. He talks to them, plays with them, & evidently worries about them. Zane has been somewhat off his food since the move. Plus he has been bullying Scrappy again. We won't talk about the fact the little scum bit me a few weeks ago because I think that was as much my fault as his & he was shocked it happened too. But, I digress. Last night Sparky called & informed me that if Zane did not get back to his usual chowhound persona, I should take him to the vet 'cause he might be sick. I agreed. I just found it so cute that the Sparkman would be looking out for Zane the Magnificant (he named Zane that BTW). I think Zane is his favorite if the truth be known.
Other good news-I went to Sonic for a drink Fri night & when I came home my yard was being mowed. So I, of course, asked if they were at the wrong house. Come to find out, the Chickasaw Nation is mowing it because it is part of their program for their Senior Citizens (my landlord is Chickasaw). He told them to go ahead & continue to mow it. So, every two weeks through Sept. my yard work will be done for FREE. I am a blessed woman!! May not have my CDIB card, but the Nation is taking care of my yard. Maybe they will do so next year also.
The boys have learned to use the doggy door. Only thing is, they think it only works one-way--IN. I have to open the door to let them out. If I leave the doggy door accessable when they are out, they tend to come in then want right back out. Just like kids-in & out, in & out. So, I only open it when it is time for them to come in. They absolutely love the new backyard. It is HUGE! They have a new doggy friend behind us, Umbri, who is just about their size & looks to be a pug mix. Next door is the cutest apricot poodle (we don't know her name yet) but she likes to have fence races, too, so I don't think Lobo will miss Kiki (his former fence racing girlfriend) too much. LOL!
Thanks to the outstanding job done by the young lady I hired to clean the old house, I got my full deposit back. I figured that after paying for the cleaning, the guys who helped with the move, & renting the carpet cleaning machine I actually came out about $200 to the good. Not bad!
Well, guess that about catches everyone up on my adventure in moving (remember when that was U-hauls slogan???). My boss is on vacation this week so I just might get some posting done all week. We shall see.
blessed be...
Sunday, July 12, 2009
So said my Mother...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Blast from the Past....


This is what happens when you move, you find things you did not even know you had. Such is the case with these photos. The lower one is my formal wedding portrait that was published in my hometown newspaper when Me Hijo's Dad & I got married. The upper one was just included in my wedding album. I was 20 yrs old, it was 1972. Yep, May 20, 1972 was my wedding date. 37 yrs ago. One year & three months before I graduated from college. That's right I am now 57. Who is that girl??? Was I ever that young??? For the first time, looking at these brought a smile, no bad feelings, no remorse. Just someone I used to know.
blessed be...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Angels, Enlightenment, Revelation, & my Totem..
http://worldofspirit.blogspot.com/2009/06/beauty-of-angels.html
As I was reading it a name popped into my head "Thomas" spoken so audibly in my Spirit. When I was a little girl I had an imaginary friend I called Tom. He was with me all the time. I have always thought he was my Guardian Angel & today I got confirmation. Thomas! It is nice to know that he has a more formal name. That is what I shall call him from here on out. His true, formal, grown-up name--Thomas. I know now that he came to me in a form (although I cannot remember what he looked like, I do remember the essence of his presence) & with a name that I, as a child, would accept. Right now, it feels as if I turn very quickly I could catch sight of him standing behind me. But, alas, I am not fast enough to do that. But, I feel his presence. He is very close, just behind my right shoulder. I know he is here to help me, to guide me, to help me with the answers for which I am looking. It brings tears to my eyes, tears that have been just below the surface for several days now. I don't think they are from sadness or loss, but in recognition of something that I thought I could not touch again. Thomas! Every time I type his name I feel him move closer. He is tall, very tall. He is dark with light all around. His hand is on my shoulder. I want to cry, but I feel such peace. I believe, with Thomas beside me, the next phase of the Journey is about to begin.
blessed be...
http://naomimunn.blogspot.com/
I loved her post on Totems, & the one I read this morning really spoke to me. To my gift of second sight. It is time to fully emerce myself in meditation, reading, connecting with that which is unseen in my life. I know now why my Totem, my beautiful Wolf, has moved into the house. He wants to be near to guide me along with Thomas toward all that awaits me as the Enlightenment begins anew.
I believe my Wolf Totem & Thomas are coming together to help me live that life, or at least the authentic life I am meant to have on this plain of existence, in this moment. I think that is why the new house has come about (the energy is so good in that home), why I am being lead toward the people who are now in my life, why I am feeling a peaceful restlessness to move forward, & in some ways backward, toward my studies of Spiritualism, my Native heritage, & my gifts. I thank Great Spirit for this opportunity.
Namaste`
Friday, June 26, 2009
Icons-3 Generations
- The Old---Ed McMahon
- The Sick--Farrah Fawcett
- The Sudden-Michael Jackson
R.I.P
Each of these people left more memories than their Public can ever know. Those are the memories left in the hearts of those who loved them...loved the "real" person that the public will never know. Those are the people who are truly mourning, who have suffered the greatest grief. Their loss knows no boundaries, & long after the fans have moved on these individuals will continue to miss their loved ones. To them: The McMahon Family; The Fawcett-O'Neal Family; The Jackson Family my heart goes out. I know their loss & for that I grieve.
blessed be...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Happy Birthday, Me Hijo
He is a wonderful man, his trials have been by fire. He is scorched & refined but not bowed. Me Hijo (as I have called him since he was 3 yrs old) is a fine man, a good husband, a devoted father to my 3 wonderful grands. He inspires me to be the best I can be in these remaining days that I Journey through the Adventure that is my Life. I have taken him on some hairy adventures & for that I am sorry. I thank Great Spirit that he survived.
Happy, Happy Birthday Me Hijo!! I love you more than words can ever say. Thank you for letting me be your Mom--it is an honor & a priviledge to know you.
***the song's for you*** Child of Mine by Emmylou Harris
blessed be...
Simply An Inspired Life - Jonathan Lockwood Huie and Mary Anne Radmacher
Simply An Inspired Life - Jonathan Lockwood Huie and Mary Anne Radmacher
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Saturday, June 20, 2009
Father's Day
1957 (Me age 5 1/2 yrs, My brother age 5-6 months, Daddy age 32, & Mama age 24)
click to enlarge picture
Back in the day, we never celebrated Father's Day or Mother's Day at my house. When I went to college I began sending cards to my Daddy for Father's Day. He never cared for any of the gifts I gave him. Except for one that I sent one Father's Day. A leather wallet with his name engraved on it. He carried it til he died (that was many years after I gave it to him). When he opened that present, he immediately took out his old wallet & transferred everything to the new one. It was so nice to, for once, have done the right thing for him & to have given something he appreciated rather than ridiculed. It is a good memory.
Fast forward to 2008. After 20+ years of being a widow my Mother remarried. My step-dad is a Baptist minister (we are not BTW Baptist). He & my Mom had a very long courtship-3 dates. She & my Daddy married after knowing each other for 3 months so she does not believe in long engagements. My only request was that I met her new fella before the wedding. I was happy for her but wanted to check him out first. It was ok. He has always called me "Daughter" & I call him Pops. He is very different than my Daddy. Much more loving, & he likes me.
For Father's Day I gave Pops Oliver a year old Chihuahua. Pops has been wanting one for this whole year. So, when Oliver was offered to me with all accessories I accepted & gave him to Pops. I thought Pops was gonna cry he was so happy. So Oliver has a great home, he is very pampered & even sleeps on the bed with Pops & Mom. He watches TV with Pops & goes everywhere with him. Pops is so happy, Oliver is so happy, & my Mom is so happy because Pops is happy. So, once again, I scored as the Good Daughter in the Father's Day Gift Department.

2009 Pops & Oliver
the sun was in Oliver's eyes so he squinted. He is really adorable.
Happy Father's Day to all!!!
blessed be...
Friday, June 19, 2009
Father's Day Giveaway
www.jenx67.com
Good Luck!!!
blessed be...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Running from my past
I was a good student but I absolutely hated High School. I always felt like a square peg in a round hole. I just didn't seem to fit in. Depression became by constant companion by Senior Year & lived with me for many years, gone now thankfully. I was super-sensitive to raised voice, teasing, & criticism. There was so much of that from my Dad at home that I just would dissolve in tears whenever it happened. This was true for many years of my life. I would just cry at the drop of a hat.
I was not allowed to go where the other kids went, do what the other kids did, dress like the other girls. I saved my money once & had spied the cutest dress at one of the local dress shops. It was flowered (a sprinkling of multi-colored wild flowers) on a butter yellow background. It was a mini dress that stuck me mid-thigh. It had long sleeves that flared out at the elbows in a bell shape (yes, 40 yrs later I can still see that dress). I bought it & then stopped by my Mom's office to show her what I had bought all on my own. She had me try it on & promptly told me I could not keep it. It was too short (she actually checked to see if there was enough hem to let it down below my knees-there wasn not) & I was not going to wear it. Take it back. I was mortified, but back to the shop it went. I was so angry, so embarrassed, so disappointed. Then, I was not allowed to get my ears pierced. According to my Mom only "trashy women" had pierced ears. Once I got to college I pierced my ears. Later I pierced them several more times & got tattos. Funny thing, many years later my Dad wanted to get my Mom diamond earrings & she had her ears pierced so that she would not lose them. BTW, I now have those earrings-they were the last Christmas present my Dad ever bought my Mom because he died 4 months later.
I, as previously noted, never planned to return to my hometown, never planned to be in touch with anyone I knew from childhood/teenage years. Then I moved back to OK after more than 20 yrs. I have never been to a class reunion. Still have no plans to ever attend one. But I have seen several people with whom I went to school. Worked with a couple of them a few years back. Run into others here& there. Our lives have taken such different roads there was no real connection, just people we used to know when we were all someone else. I am in my hometown at least once a week now because my partner/companion is a hometown boy & his Mom still lives there. I have been able to remember the good times, banish most of the bad memories & replace them with the good ones. I had blocked out so much that I really don't remember lots of things from my growing up years. But, thanks to Sparky & his Mom, I am remembering people, places, events, etc. My brother helped me with this also before he died. Filled in alot of my blanks, because I have large gaps in my memories of childhood. I still don't really have my own memories but I can go "Oh yea, I remember....." when something is related to me.
Visiting with Tim, Barry, & Rhonda last weekend in my hometown really opened up something in me. I actually got on my Facebook account & looked for people from my graduating class. Found some, sent a friend request, two confirmed me as a friend, even got an actual response from one. It was nice. It has opened up my past in a good way. A couple have never responded but that is ok too. The old me would have taken that as a sign that I am not worthy, not valuable. But the authentic, true me understands that we weren't friends before, just people who went to school together & they may not even remember me. There were after all 30 in our graduating class, I think. LOL! I think I am finally free of the demons from High School. Free to not be negatively affected by the memories. Free to see them for what they were - just kid stuff. What really matters is who I am today, how I live my life in this moment, the impact I have on other people, being true to myself, living in authenticity, living in harmony, being joyful, following my Journey, traveling toward enlightenment, being in sync with Great Spirit, Nature, my surroundings, & harming none as I walk through this Adventure.
As I told Barry, when we were discussing what we write in our blogs, I had to live lies for too many years, keep secrets, be someone else-a shadow of myself, & now I am going to be completely honest about who I am, tell the truth, & tell my stories. That is the best I can be....Authentic!
blessed be...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Losing Grandma...
Alzheimer’s disease is a brain disorder named for German physician Alois Alzheimer who first described it in 1906. Scientists have learned a great deal about Alzheimer’s disease in the century since Dr. Alzheimer first drew attention to it. Today we know that Alzheimer’s:
- Is a progressive and fatal brain disease. As many as 5.3 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer's destroys brain cells, causing problems with memory, thinking and behavior severe enough to affect work, lifelong hobbies or social life. Alzheimer’s gets worse over time, and it is fatal. Today it is the seventh-leading cause of death in the United States.
- Is the most common form of dementia, a general term for the loss of memory and other intellectual abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life. Alzheimer’s disease accounts for 50 to 70 percent of dementia cases. Other types of dementia include vascular dementia, mixed dementia, dementia with Lewy bodies and frontotemporal dementia.
- Has no current cure. But treatments for symptoms, combined with the right services and support, can make life better for the millions of Americans living with Alzheimer’s. There is an accelerating worldwide effort under way to find better ways to treat the disease, delay its onset, or prevent it from developing.
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My Grandma Groomer was a beautiful, elegant, talented woman. She cooked like a gourmet chef, her house was always spotless, she sewed all her own clothes including suits & they were perfect, her garden was beautiful-she had such a green thumb, always had a grape arbor & how I loved her fresh grape juice & jelly. Growing up she was my ideal. She was the standard to which I held myself for many years. She had the most beautiful singing voice, could play the harmonica, taught us to Charleston, she was a talented sketch artist. Meals at her house were perfectly appointed, always served at just the right temperature. Her desserts were to die for. I was always in awe of Grandma.
Now, I don't mean to say she was perfect 'cause she wasn't. She was judgemental, prejudiced, angry, & very unhappy. I saw all this as I became older. She had a very priviledged start in life. Her grandparents were very well off, aristocrats. Her mother married the hired hand. So life was tough for my Grandma & her siblings. Then her mother died in childbirth. Her grandparents cut themselves off from their daughter's family. Proverty struck my Grandma's family. My Great-Granddaddy farmed all the kids out to relatives. Then the older ones rebeled, went to work, & everyone came home. Grandma had to quit school & stayed home to take care of the baby. She did all the housework, cooking, etc. When she was 16, 17 (I don't really know) she climbed out her bedroom window & eloped with my Grandpa. They were a handsome couple.
They had four children (3 girls, 1 boy-my mother is the 2nd born). My Grandpa could fix anything, very mechanically talented. He built a TV back in the 40's from scratch. I am amazed by that. He was also a bootlegger during Prohibition. Then, after many jobs, he became a cop on the Norman force. I can still see him in his uniform. He & his partner were rear-ended at a traffic light & his back was broken. While he was not paralyzed that ended his career in law enforcement. He had a pension from the City of Norman & the US Navy for his service in World War II. He had four kids at home & volunteered for the Navy. My Grandma was PO'd to say the least. Then when it came time to allocate his monthly allotment while he was overseas, she found out he had never gotten a divorce from the wife before her (is my family messed up or what??!!!). Since they had kids, the allotment came to her. I think my Grandma was Grandpa's third wife & they married young.
After my Grandpa died in the mid-80's, Grandma was lost. They fought horribly & were always angry with each other, but when he died Grandma had no purpose. She had been taking care of people since she was a little girl. She got mugged & chased the muggers down the street of the retirement community. I come from very self-sufficient, strong Southern women. We, overall, take no crap, especially from muggers.
My Grandma was tough. She survived uterine cancer when I was in Jr. High, breast cancer when I was in my mid-20's. She gave me a wonderful gift in that she showed me her scar & after that I was never afraid to face breast cancer because the mastectomy wasn't scary. She had no treatment & was cancer free for many, many years.
My Mom & Aunt started noticing that Grandma was not herself. She baked potatoes once & there were big clumps of dirt on them. That just was not Grandma acceptable. You could, literally, eat off her floor. This woman boiled everything. She could catch a baby's pacifier before it hit the ground, drop it in a pot of boiling water, & give it back to you before you could bat an eye. I saw her do this when one of my cousins was a baby. Awesome!! Then she started leaving the stove on. So, they moved her to a retirement home. She would wander away & head for the hospital where my Grandpa had been treated. Once she was found wandering in a neighborhood in Edmond. The woman was an escape artist. She climbed the wall once. I saw her at that Home for the first time in years. She was very happy to see me. But she would fade in & out. She knew me, called me by name, but she would sometimes tell me "You are so big" & ask my Mom "Where are your little children?" It was sad, but manageble because she knew me & called me by name.
Then we had to move her to a home for alzeheimer patients. She became almost completely non-verbal, but she still knew me. She would always smile when I walked in & called "Grandma". She would pat me & say "Pretty". She would communicate her likes & dislikes. She still tried to escape even though she was in "lock down". I got pinched by older men alot at that place.
After a couple of years we moved her to the Oklahoma Christian Home in Edmond nearer my Aunt who visited everyday. After I moved back to OK my Mom & I would go every weekend to spend most of the day with Grandma, feed her, change her, & all the other things she needed. She had breast cancer again. It had come back in her other breast before she was diagnosed with alzheimers. She had opted for no treatment at all & we honored that wish. She was in pain alot, but had a morphine patch. I kept up with that because once it was missing & a few times it did not get changed on schedule. I am a hard taskmaster when it comes to my loved ones' care.
Through all of this, the moves, etc. Grandma knew me everytime I visited. We had some good times. I got her headphones so she could listen to hymns, I got her red sunglasses so she could sit in the garden. Then that awful day came when I walked in , called "Grandma" when I saw her & she turned to me with a blank stare. No recognition at all. I was broken-hearted. But, funny thing was that even though she had no idea who I was, she liked me. She would always smile at me. She would sometimes still pat my hand or touch a particular garment I was wearing. She always seemed to like it when I wore overalls. She did not like me to wear them when she was my Grandma, but when she became the other Grandma she loved them. Go figure.
Grandma lived this way for a couple of years. Then one day she choked on a piece of scrambled egg, an aide was feeding her because my Aunt was late that morning. It was no one's fault. It was just Grandma's time to move to the Other Side. She lived for several weeks, but just slowly faded away. My first grandchild, my grandson Little Wolf, was born four days after she died.
"For everything that is lost, something is gained"
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I love you, Grandma. You taught me so much. Think I'll catch you later...on the Other Side!
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blessed be...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
My Tribe just got bigger...
As is tradition with me, they each now possess a wolf totem. My Tribe is the family of my heart/my Spirit, connected through the ages. Destiny allowed us to find each other, destiny brought us together. There is a purpose to our connection. Do I know what it is or why it is? No. But I do believe we made this decision to find each other while our Spirits were dwelling on the Other Side. Somehow, somewhere, sometime we would again connect to fulfull promises made a very long time ago. The time is right. The time is Now. We are, once again, together. Connected through the ages by lessons we decided to come here to learn, promises we made in our Spirit form. Where will the Journey lead us? Only Time & Great Spirit can tell us. All I know right now is that I am a very blessed woman.
blessed be...

Tim, Me, & Barry
http://adventuresoftimtim.blogspot.com/
Barry & Rhonda -- Spokane, WA
http://sulustu.blogspot.com/
Friday, June 5, 2009
Journey-The Great Adventure of Life
Saturday, May 23, 2009
In Memory...
Forrest Clifford Childs
Home of Record: Sulphur, Oklahoma
Date of birth: Tuesday, 12/11/1951
MILITARY DATA
Service: Army (Regular)
Grade at loss: E4
Rank: Specialist Four
ID No: 442567612
MOS: 11D20 Armor Reconnaissance Specialist
LenSvc: Not recorded
Unit: 64TH TRANS CO, 8TH TRANS GRP, USA SPT CMD QUI NHON, USARV
CASUALTY DATA
Start Tour: Saturday, 08/01/1970
Cas Date: Thursday, 09/10/1970
Age at Loss: 18
Remains: Body Recovered
Location: Pleiku, South Vietnam
Type: Non-hostile, Died Of Other Causes
Reason: Other causes - Ground Casualty
ON THE WALL Panel 07W Line 052
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wolf -- Thoughts, Musings, Legends
Edwin Wollert / Education Coordinator / Wolf Song of Alaska
http://www.wolfsongalaska.org/wolves_in_american_culture.html
Did you know?
The Navajo word for wolf, "mai-coh," also means witch, and a person could transform if he or she donned a wolf skin. So the Europeans were not the only ones with werewolf legends. However, the American tribes have an overwhelming tendency to look upon the wolf in a much more favorable light. The Navajo themselves have healing ceremonies which call upon Powers to restore peace and harmony to the ill, and the wolf is one such Power.
"The caribou feeds the wolf, but it is the wolf who keeps the caribou strong."
-Keewatin Eskimo saying
Native American tribes recognized the wolf for its extreme devotion to its family, and many drew parallels between wolf pack members and the members of the tribe. Also, the wolf's superior and cooperative hunting skills made it the envy of many tribes. Finally, the wolf was known to defend its home against outsiders, a task with which each tribe had to contend as well.
Some examples of the wolf appearing throughout Native American religion and mythology include the following. The Eskimos told of an old woman, Qisaruatsiaq, who was abandoned and forced to live by herself, and who eventually turned into a wolf. The Sioux called the wolf "shunk manitu tanka," or "animal that looks like a dog but is a powerful spirit."
Cheyenne medicine men rubbed warrior arrows against wolf fur to bring better success in hunting. The Nootka celebrated spiritual ties to the wolf, in a ceremony whereby they pretended to bring back to life the chief's dead son, by wearing wolf clothing. The Cherokee would not kill a wolf, believing the dead wolf's siblings would enact revenge. They also imitated the wolf's walk to help ward off frostbite to their feet. The Crow dressed in wolf skins to hunt. The Mandan displayed on their moccasins wolf tails, signs of success in battle. Women of the Hidatsa tribe rubbed their bellies with wolf skin to alleviate difficult childbirth. The Cree believed divine wolves visited earth when the northern lights would shine during winter. The Ahtena would prop dead wolves up, sometimes feeding them ceremonial meals. Chippewa myths tell of wolves supplying humans with food and hides. The Delaware tribe thought a change in weather might be announced through a wolf's howl. The Hopis include Wolf as one of the Katchinas, the costumed dancers who represent the powers of the universe.
Indian creation mythology sometimes involves wolves, as in this example from the heritage of the Arikara tribe:
"In the beginning, they say, was water and sky. Here on high you could find Nesaru the sky spirit, and Wolf and Lucky-man. Below lay a watery vastness, empty, it seemed, with only two small ducks swimming about, making eternal, small ripples. Envisioning another kind of earth, with space and variety for myriad creatures, Wolf and Lucky-man asked the ducks to dive down for mud. Using his endless energy, Wolf took half of the mud to build a great prairie for hunting beasts like himself. Lucky-man, his partner in creation, built hills and valleys where the Indians could hunt and live. Last they pushed up the remaining mud into banks of a river, which you can still see, to divide their territories. Earth was ready. Wolf and Lucky-man understood that large creatures must emerge from the reproduction of smaller, humble ones. They enter deep into the earth to find two Spiders who are meant to begin propagating the world. Imagine their disgust when they find the Spiders to be not only ignorant of the business of reproduction, but so dirty and ugly that they aren't interested in each other. Wolf and Lucky-man scrub down their charges and explain the pleasures and responsibilities of fertilization. Clean and enlightened, the Spiders give birth to earth's many creatures - the eight-legged like themselves, the six, the four, and finally the two-legged ones."
- Cottie Burland
Perhaps the tribe with the closest of all associations with the wolf is the Pawnee, in the lands now known as Nebraska and Kansas. The Pawnee felt such a close kinship that their hand-signal for wolf is the same as the hand-signal for Pawnee. They were known as the Wolf People even by neighboring tribes. The cyclical appearance and disappearance of Sirius, the Wolf Star, indicated the wolf coming and going from the spirit world, running down the trail of the Wolf Road, otherwise known as the Milky Way. The Blackfoot tribe also called our galaxy the Wolf Trail, or the Route to Heaven. The Pawnee, like the Hidatsa and Oto tribes, used wolf bundles, pouches of skins from wolves in which to keep and protect treasured implements used for ceremonies and magic.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thinkin'...
Growth is always a good thing, but you should take a break from pushing yourself right now. Today will not be best spent challenging yourself or starting any difficult conversations. Settle in to a routine right now, and find comfort in doing the same things in familiar patterns. There is something to be said for predictability. Plus, if things never got boring, shaking them up again would not feel nearly as wonderful. Let the dust settle on your newly renovated life.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
And now...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Part 4 -- The Portland Years
She worked 10-14 hrs a day, he sat around. By now she had become one of those women she saw on Lifetime movies & wondered why they stayed. Now she knew why. She had become nothing. He humilated her at every turn, he degraded & devalued her. She became a shell of who she had been. She had no friends, she had no contact with her family, she had to account for every minute of every day.
NOTE: As I write this I find it so hard to believe I sank that far, that I let another human control me to that extent. I fought back alot, I learned to hit back, I would sometimes pummel him & one time brought him to his knees from beating on his chest hard, fast, long. I became someone that I did not like. My Spirit was dying more & more each day. I had attempted suicide three times over the years. The last time he broke down the bathroom door & wrestled the blade from my hands. It wasn't so much that I wanted to die, but I really wanted to get off the merry-go-round I was on. I just did not know how to pull STOP. So, in some very sick way, I felt I owed him for saving my life. But the price was becoming too much to pay. I stood in the middle of our kitchen one day while he held a loaded gun & told him to go ahead & end both our suffering. I knew that day that even though he held the gun to his head he was not going to kill himself, but I did figure he would kill me. When he dropped the gun to his side I took it, unloaded it, & got rid of it. It was a turning point, it was the beginning on the end.
She began to make friends at work, the first women friends she had ever really had. They seemed to see her real self. They saw her Spirit, her gifts. She found her Totem, she began to meditate, she started reading lots of self-help & New Age books, she began to change-to grow. She started to find her voice. The weekend DJ kept trying to get her to leave Cowboy (for selfish reasons BTW). She laid awake at night trying to figure out how to kill him without getting caught. She wanted to just be rid of him, but she couldn't figure a way so she was trapped in the nightmare. And so life went during the Portland years.
Then, after several years-she spent 7 yrs in OR all together, she found out he was beating on BB (by now a Senior in high school with behavioral problems & a very nasty temper). She could, for some reason, take the abuse herself but she would not tolerate it on BB. So one night there was a big argument, Cowboy & OK Farmgirl were in their bedroom & he punched her square in the face with a doubled up fist. She took the punch, looked him in the eye & said "That will be the last time you ever f...ing hit me" & walked out. BB came out of his room broom in hand to do battle with Cowboy. "You do not hit women & you most particularly do not hit my Mother". NOTE: Years later BB told her that he had a loaded pistol that he had gotten from a friend under his pillow. It was the grace of Great Spirit that caused BB to grab the broom as weapon & not that gun. If he had grabbed the gun I would probably still be in an OR prison 'cause BB's prints would not have been on that gun.
At that point the fight was going to be on, a battle was about to rage. She threw herself between them & told BB to go to his friend S's house. S & his mother came, picked up BB & begged her to come also. She told them she was leaving but not tonight. Once she knew BB was safe, she knew she would be leaving too. She had been hoarding tips (skimming off the top so to speak), paying off credit cards on the sly. Cowboy was angry that night but not abusive. She slept on the couch, he kept coming out to wake her up. Three days later she got up early, left a note, took what she wanted to be sure she kept, took all the credit cards, the debit card, the checkbook out of Cowboy's wallet & drove away. First, to the bank to close the joint account & open a new one, next to work to put her valuables in the safe & tell her boss what was up. Then she found an apartment, bought furniture, & arranged to move in. Then she called her mother & told it all. Her brother, now a cop, offered to leave OK right then & meet her half way so she would not be traveling alone. She thanked him but declined. BB wanted to stay to finish his senior year & she would not leave him.
Cowboy called many times that day & the days following, but she would not relent. She had found her strength once more. She was free & wanted to stay that way. She retained an attorney, told him the whole story, & filed for divorce. She took the papers to Cowboy to sign. She begged him to let her go. Explained that they were not good for each other. Said they only brought out the worst in each other. She begged. He finally signed. Her attorney went straight to a judge & asked for an immediate divorce. The judge waived all the waiting periods based on the situation & granted an immediate divorce. Cowboy has been in her life for 12 yrs by that time.
It took almost another year to be totally free of Cowboy. She was almost killed in a car wreck the day he signed the papers, he was driving. The pain did some really weird things to her, she took a paid leave of absence from work, she got clean/sober, she worked the Program, she went to meetings, & she decided to change careers. She attended a school that trained for airline jobs. She was voted most inspirational by her class & asked to give the commencement address-such an honor! She was hired by an airline & moved to the Bay Area. She was on her own for the first time in her life. She was 43 yrs old.
************to be continued**************















