Sunday, May 6, 2012

I have always been a Seeker...



For as long as I can remember I have heard the beat of my own drummer.  Oh for years I tried to hear the drummer that everyone else seemed to hear.  I tried to conform, I tried to be what/who I was "supposed" to be, I tried to believe what everyone else seemed to believe.  To steal quote - "How's that workin for ya?"  Well, it didn't work too well at all.  Kinda got my life in a big mess quite honestly.   So, one day I just decided to seek what I knew was missing in my life.  Now, this was not some epiphany that just hit me like a lightening bolt one day.  No, it was a slow process.  Baby steps.  A slow, steady awakening.  With each beat of that drum in my Spirit an old belief, a part of me that was not really me fell away-replaced by a more authentic belief, a more authentic aspect of me.  Slowly, slowly, each day seeking Truth, Peace, Harmony, Joy, & Contentment.  It has taken decades to be the woman who sits here tonight typing away.  I am still a Seeker, I will always be a Seeker.  The layers of me peel away like the skin of an onion revealing wonderous things.  I have let go of the judgments what were instilled in me in childhood, I have learned tolerance.  I have learned that all those voices that shouted negativity at me throughout my childhood, my teenage years, my years as a young vulnerable woman were wrong.  I am worthy- I know my value.  I am lovable - I love me.  I see the beauty that is within me.  I may not be super model beautiful, I may not be beautiful by the standards of society in general but guess what...I find myself to be beautiful in many ways.  I have found self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem.  I am smart & I am funny.  I am a good friend.  I am a good person.  I am no longer angry, I have found peace.  I am no longer defined by my history, but my stories are a part of making me my authentic self.   I no longer look for happiness outside myself, it resides within my Spirit.  

Today I seek to become more Enlightened.  I seek to live in harmony with Nature.  I seek to go deeper within to find answers that reside within my very DNA - answers that I brought with me on this Journey.  Each day when I awake, I take a page from Dr. Wayne Dyer & say Thank You three times before I get out of bed.   I know that each day I can choose to feel badly or I can choose to be fabulous.  I choose fabulous!  Everyday I say "I am grateful, & I am blessed".  I walk outside on my patio & breath in the air of a new day.  And each night I walk out to the patio & stand in the dark thanking the Universe for the day.   To sit awhile in the stillness with no thoughts, just being in the Now refreshes me & sends me off to a good night's sleep.

I meditate at least once a day.  I try to meditate morning & night.  Sometimes, however, I find that meditating mid-day is refreshing & reminds me of my inner focus.  That focus, that balance, that grounding of my Spirit is what I now live to experience.  That way of seeing everything & everyone in a fresh light.  A light filled with compassion, love, understanding, & acceptance.

The energy I find in Reiki has also helped to ground me, to balance me, to keep me in sync with the Universe.   My psychic abilities are being honed sharply.  I can touch a person & sometimes get amazing messages for them or about them.  I have always been able to see the darkness in people, but now I know how to help disspell that darkness & most importantly I know how to NOT take the darkness into myself.

I am a Seeker.  I seek knowledge, understanding, Enlightenment.  I seek to know from whence I came.  I seek to understand my Gifts.  I no longer seek my Path for it is revealed to me on my Journey.  I no longer seek my Destiny for it too is revealed to me through my Journey.  The voices are quite loud most of the time now, but they no longer haunt & taunt me.  Now they are the voices of my guides, my angels, the Universe giving me that which I have sought for so many years.   Yes, I am a Seeker.  As I delve deeper into the Tao, the peace engulfs me.  I understand that which I have sensed for years.   I am a Seeker...I seek to live fully, in harmony, guided by the Universe, sharing my Gifts, following my Path, moving toward my Destiny with authenticity, love, compassion, tolerance, peace, & joy.  I am a Seeker.  I am blessed, & I am grateful!

~~blessed be...

1 comment:

kt said...

I am delighted to feel what you are saying. It wasn't so long ago that your entries were not filled with such happiness. You HAVE been blessed.

When some service person automatically says to me, "Have a good (or nice) day." I respond, "Yes, I will, as it is totally my choice."

kt