Sunday, May 6, 2012
I have always been a Seeker...
For as long as I can remember I have heard the beat of my own drummer. Oh for years I tried to hear the drummer that everyone else seemed to hear. I tried to conform, I tried to be what/who I was "supposed" to be, I tried to believe what everyone else seemed to believe. To steal quote - "How's that workin for ya?" Well, it didn't work too well at all. Kinda got my life in a big mess quite honestly. So, one day I just decided to seek what I knew was missing in my life. Now, this was not some epiphany that just hit me like a lightening bolt one day. No, it was a slow process. Baby steps. A slow, steady awakening. With each beat of that drum in my Spirit an old belief, a part of me that was not really me fell away-replaced by a more authentic belief, a more authentic aspect of me. Slowly, slowly, each day seeking Truth, Peace, Harmony, Joy, & Contentment. It has taken decades to be the woman who sits here tonight typing away. I am still a Seeker, I will always be a Seeker. The layers of me peel away like the skin of an onion revealing wonderous things. I have let go of the judgments what were instilled in me in childhood, I have learned tolerance. I have learned that all those voices that shouted negativity at me throughout my childhood, my teenage years, my years as a young vulnerable woman were wrong. I am worthy- I know my value. I am lovable - I love me. I see the beauty that is within me. I may not be super model beautiful, I may not be beautiful by the standards of society in general but guess what...I find myself to be beautiful in many ways. I have found self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem. I am smart & I am funny. I am a good friend. I am a good person. I am no longer angry, I have found peace. I am no longer defined by my history, but my stories are a part of making me my authentic self. I no longer look for happiness outside myself, it resides within my Spirit.
Today I seek to become more Enlightened. I seek to live in harmony with Nature. I seek to go deeper within to find answers that reside within my very DNA - answers that I brought with me on this Journey. Each day when I awake, I take a page from Dr. Wayne Dyer & say Thank You three times before I get out of bed. I know that each day I can choose to feel badly or I can choose to be fabulous. I choose fabulous! Everyday I say "I am grateful, & I am blessed". I walk outside on my patio & breath in the air of a new day. And each night I walk out to the patio & stand in the dark thanking the Universe for the day. To sit awhile in the stillness with no thoughts, just being in the Now refreshes me & sends me off to a good night's sleep.
I meditate at least once a day. I try to meditate morning & night. Sometimes, however, I find that meditating mid-day is refreshing & reminds me of my inner focus. That focus, that balance, that grounding of my Spirit is what I now live to experience. That way of seeing everything & everyone in a fresh light. A light filled with compassion, love, understanding, & acceptance.
The energy I find in Reiki has also helped to ground me, to balance me, to keep me in sync with the Universe. My psychic abilities are being honed sharply. I can touch a person & sometimes get amazing messages for them or about them. I have always been able to see the darkness in people, but now I know how to help disspell that darkness & most importantly I know how to NOT take the darkness into myself.
I am a Seeker. I seek knowledge, understanding, Enlightenment. I seek to know from whence I came. I seek to understand my Gifts. I no longer seek my Path for it is revealed to me on my Journey. I no longer seek my Destiny for it too is revealed to me through my Journey. The voices are quite loud most of the time now, but they no longer haunt & taunt me. Now they are the voices of my guides, my angels, the Universe giving me that which I have sought for so many years. Yes, I am a Seeker. As I delve deeper into the Tao, the peace engulfs me. I understand that which I have sensed for years. I am a Seeker...I seek to live fully, in harmony, guided by the Universe, sharing my Gifts, following my Path, moving toward my Destiny with authenticity, love, compassion, tolerance, peace, & joy. I am a Seeker. I am blessed, & I am grateful!