Saturday, March 28, 2009
It began in college when she had the courage to not be in favor of the Viet Nam War, but she married a Vet with PTSD who thought she was the person her mother wanted her to be. He somehow missed the emerging hippie chick. Oh he saw the long hair, the jeans, the fatigue jacket, but he did not see her. He saw what he needed to see.
And so when they married, they didn't tell each other their secrets either. They began to live a life together that was colored by his birth family experience & her birth family experience. No one argued, no one complained, no one talked about their dreams, aspirations, or expectations. He started living his life & she gave up her dreams. She became the perfect "Corporate Wife". Two regularly hosted parties each year for his employees. An annual Christmas party for which she made every piece of food on the buffet. Nothing was "store-bought", it was all homemade just like her mother would have done. The house was perfectly decorated. Then there was the annual summer cookout in their backyard. Again, she did all the food. Organized it all by herself. He always got compliments on those parties. They were the "Golden Couple", the "Perfect Couple". They were on their way up the corporate ladder. Unfortunately, the wives were threatened by her. She had an education, worked in the oil/gas business & enjoyed talking business with the husbands. Wrong move. The wives complained to her husband & he told her to fit in. He also told her to quit wearing the jeans & Boots to get togethers.
The one dream she would not give up was to be a Mom. She wanted children. When their son was born after 4 yrs of marriage she found out that while he loved his son, he did not want children--tried to have a vasectomy behind her back. Had to confess this when the doctor needed her permission. That was a crumble in a marriage that had no foundation. He did not want to be a Dad. He wanted to be a playmate, a friend. He wanted to hang with his friends, play tennis all weekend. They did not share the same beliefs. He was an agnostic, she a Believer. To him, she (as a stay at home Mom) became a bore, uninteresting, a drudge. But she loved being a Mom to her beautiful little boy-something at which she really wanted to succeed. Trouble was she didn't know how to be a Mom. But for several years she was very good at it. Her little boy was the love of her life, her reason to stay around. He was the only success she was experiencing.
Then she discovered the girlfriend. Someone who worked for him, someone who went on his business trips. That was the final crumble. The whole thing collasped. She was just too insecure, too unsure of herself to survive that insult. Divorce was better than the betrayal. A betrayal that he said she was imagining. Her family was appalled! His family was appalled! Her friends didn't understand. He didn't understand why she just couldn't forgive & forget.
She was in uncharted territory. She had one serious boyfriend before him & had dated very little in high school. They had dated, became engaged, & married while in college. He was her first & only. Now what was she supposed to do????
..........to be continued...........
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
This coat of arms was officially granted in 1662, but is probably much older than that.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
- Lobo, whose official AKC name is Murray's Outlaw Jesse Lobo. He is named Lobo in honor of my Totem (Outlaw after his Dad & Jesse after his Mom) & I have had him since he was 7 wks old (he is now almost 4 1/2 yrs). He is a Miniature Schnauzer & I got him from a police officer friend who served with my brother. She breeds Mini Schnauzers & I was over at her house shortly after Lobo's litter was born. I fell in love with the puppies & I put a hold on one. When I went to pick up my puppy this other little bundle of joy kept hopping up to get my attention. When I picked him up & held him I looked at Kathy & said "This is the one". Lobo picked me & he was just the right furbaby for me. Lobo is the perpetual puppy (I think he has the Peter Pan syndrome - I'll never grow up), always running & playing. Can find his favorite toy no matter where I put it. It's funny to hear him digging through the toybox. He sleeps curled up against my stomach every night & has since the first night I brought him home.
- Zane, who is lovingly known as Bubba Zane, Little Man, Zaney Dog, & most recently dubbed by Sparky as Zane the Magnificent because his bandana from the doggy salon was a little large & kept going backward over his back & looked very much like a cape, especially when he was running. Zane is a schnauzer/corgi mix (Schnorgi as I like to say) that I adopted from Fido Knows in Chandler. He will be 5 yrs old next month. I have had him just over 3 yrs. He is my little clown! Zane bounces everywhere & has both a Schnauzer & a Corgi personality. He thinks herding Lobo around the house is the best fun. When I win the lottery I am buying him a herd of miniature goats so he can herd to his little heart's content. He sleeps curled beside me or on my feet each night.
- Scrappy is also a Miniature Schnauzer. He was officially named Scrappy Doobie by me when I adopted him from Pet Angels in OKC (they had named him Scrappy which fits him perfectly). He was found as a stray & was on death row at the animal shelter when the rescue group was called & told there was a Schnauzer about to be put down. Scrappy has told me that he finds the name "animal shelter" to be a joke as he did not feel very sheltered. He just turned 5 yrs old this month & I have had him 4 yrs. Scrappy saved me from a pitbull attack. He is a very brave little dog, totally devoted to him Mommy. He knows when I am sad, sick, or just down. Scrappy is a snuggler who sleeps on a pillow right beside me. Scrappy has a very old soul - you can see it in his eyes. He never leaves my side when we are home, loves to ride in the car, & is totally fascinated by cows.
Well, I guess it is easy to tell I am a dog person & totally gaga over the Pupsters. My little boys are a constant joy. They love me unconditionally & are always so glad to see me. Doesn't matter if I am gone 4 hrs or 4 minutes the greeting is always the same. They wiggle all over & just have to give me kisses & get lots of pets. My furbabies have consoled me during moments of great sadness, made me feel better when I was sick, provided wonderful companionship, forced me to get up, get moving when I would have rather wallowed in my mood. The Boys always come first in their needs. I look out for them first, me second. They remind me to have a servant spirit. They are with me right now, hanging out on the bed in the spare room where the computer lives. Sometimes one of them sits on my lap while I type, sometimes they just come over for a quick pat on the head. The Boys keep me active, they keep me laughing, they give me perspective on Life because they live totally in the moment. They are a gift. They are an example of complete trust, love, acceptance, & boundless joy. They remind me to stay in the moment, to be present, to be accepting, to love unconditionally & with great abandon. I can truly be myself, completely real with no fear of rejection. The Boys teach me how to live fully every minute of every day.
Lobo, Scrappy, & Zane -- Mommy loves you!! I wouldn't be me without you three. You have each brought a joy to me that I did not know existed. You have healed my wounded heart just by bringing your own individual personalities into my life. You are separate, but you have completed a circle in my life. You have made me a better human because of who you think I am. I think that is the purpose of each of your Spirits' Journeys. I see the light of your souls shining through your eyes. I hear your voices in my Spirit. In this house, the four-leggeds & the two-legged are one living in harmony.