I'm sad today for someone I don't even know, will never know. My boss's nephew took his own life on Saturday. My heart breaks for the family. For the Mother whose only child no longer walks in this world, the Wife who heard the shot, the Family left to wonder Why?
One of my cousin's took her life 40 years ago (she was just out of her teens), a month ago a childhood friend took his life. I said today that nothing is ever so bad that suicide is the answer, but that was said for comfort. We never know how bad it has really become in someone else's life. How unbearable may be the burden, how terminal the illness, how heavy the load, how helpless the feeling, how deep the depression. Those who are healthy make the statement I made today for a healthy Spirit cannot imagine ending its own Life. But I have walked in the land of darkness where the only answer seems to be to move out of this Life to the Other Side. I know how deep the depression can get, how heavy the load, how helpless the situation can seem. I know the voice that encourages you, tells you it will be better when you are gone from this world. I know what it feels like to have the gun in my hand or the razor blade poised over a vein.What the voice does not tell you is the pain your leaving will cause, the void in the hearts of others, the pain they feel because there is no answer to their "Why?", the guilt that will never leave the ones left behind to carry on, move forward, but never really heal. No last chance to say I love you, no chance to save you, nothing but pain.
So today, I thank Great Spirit that I am no longer trapped in the Darkness. But I cry for those who are still feeling their way trying to find the Light, the Door, some relief, an answer. Anything to quiet the voice, still the fear, calm the situation, kill the pain, open the heart, let in the joy. Anything just to live. And for all their families I pray.