Sunday, May 13, 2012

The View...

"Remember that the windshield is bigger than the rear-view mirror, because where you're

 going is more important than where you've been"...from Lori 



When you fully grasp this Life Lesson the Journey becomes so much easier & so much more enjoyable.  Where you've been was a lesson learned & to revisit the past, to let those from the negative part of your past rent space in your head or impact your life now just causes unnecessary pain, & the past cannot be resolved for it is done.  Look only to today for it is in the Present you will find your Authenticity based on the Lessons you have learned on the Road we call Life.  

There is a lot of "stuff" in my rear-view mirror.  There are ghosts, lost loves, forgotten friends, curves, bumps, road blocks, detours, & miles of good road.  There are many towns in my rear-view mirror.  Some I used to think I should have avoided, taken the loop around rather than driving straight through the middle of town.  But, I have always been one to live the Adventure, to see the sights, to experience the "new".  So there haven't been many times I took the loop.  When I look back at my Journey it is only to more fully understand a Lesson, to thank the Universe for the experiences that have shaped the woman I am today.   I am thankful for everyone who walked my Path with me however long or short the time was that they joined me.  I have experienced great friendships that were only meant for a Season.  There are women who helped shape the Path I am walking today - women who gave good counsel, offered a shoulder for tears, gave insight that I was not always ready to acknowledge.  In hindsight they were all guides in this Life, guided to me by the Universe with their words always offered in love but speaking truths that were so profound in my Journey.  I have often wondered if those women realized the impact that would result from their presence in my life at a time when I was running on empty.  They filled my heart, spoke deep within my Spirit, & filled me with the ability to recognize my value & filled me with self-love.

I can remember an evening in Portland OR in 1993, sitting with two women friends discussing all that is Spiritual.  Delving into our deepest emotions & hurts.  That night changed my life & allowed me to be open to the changes that were occurring within me.  Allowed me to see so clearly a decision that I knew I had to make in order to survive - physically, psychologically, emotionally, & Spiritually.  Chains fell away that night.  I found courage to say "Enough".  Funny, how some experiences are so deeply embedded in your DNA.  I can see the city lights out the bank of windows that lead to the deck overlooking lush green trees, I can smell the candles that burned that night, I can hear the soft music in the background, I can see the three of us sitting on chairs, cushions, a couch. I can hear the murmur of our voices.  I can feel the wine glass in my hand.  I can feel the love that was in that room that evening.   It was a magical evening & I have carried the magic with me for almost 20 yrs now.

1993 & 1994 for amazing years for me in Awakenings.  Those two years lead to so much change within me. Years previous did too but those are the years that stand out profoundly in my memory because those were the years that I began to fully understand the importance of a Community of Women.  Another female friend in Portland invited me to accompany her to a visit with her psychic & to have a reading done.  To this day I remember that reading.  Again, I can see the kitchen table where we sat, hear the psychic's voice, the quiet murmurs of the breeze, see the house surrounded by beautiful vegetation.  Much of that reading has come to reality.  In fact most of it has become a part of my life.  Some of it is still unfolding but it is all coming to fruition.  

So, from a girl whose only close confidants were male throughout her teens, 20's & 30's to an evolving woman who, in her 40's, began to develop close female friendships which at the time seemed to come out of seemingly nowhere with women that it seemed ludicrous with whom to have a friendship, but that just would not let me ignore that they wanted to be friends to a woman now 60 who has meaningful friendships with women of all ages.  So, as I say so often, there are no coincidences.

The friendships of the past that were only for a Season taught me the importance of these friendships - Conversation & Community that is not possible in male friendships.  Friendships that require deep Spiritual/Emotional connections with the Sacred Feminine.  Friendships with people of the male persuasion are by DNA superficial for the most part.  Oh there is the occasional male with whom I connect on a deep spiritual level & have wonderful dialogues & with whom I explore deep meanings of Life & our Journeys.  Those men, I believe, are deeply in touch with the Sacred Feminine.

I enjoy the company of men very much, I think, because I, in many ways, think like a guy.  I like guy things - fast cars, I drive like a guy, I have always been an adventurer, I used to take risks, I love motorcycles, I have a fascination with power tools, construction, & all things technical, I love guns but I do abhor hunting.   But then, as a long-time guy in my life pointed out - I am a girly girl.  I was appalled at that description (because for me it has always brought up a connotation of the kind of female I just don't "get" - the bouncy, Barbie-type which is so not me) until he explained his definition of a girly girl.  It is because I wear makeup, do my hair, love to wear lots of jewelry, never leave the house without earrings, do my nails, & even in boots/jeans I will wear pearls.  In jeans & a t-shirt I wear jewelry.  So, I guess I am a girly girl.  At least to him & that is all that matters.

So, the road ahead is bright with sunlight & smoother than it has been in a long time.  I am enjoying the view out my Windshield of Life.   The sights in my rear-view mirror are getting smaller & some have completely disappeared from sight.  But to all the good, the bad, the ugly, & the beautiful that are behind me I say "Thank you".  I have been blessed in the experiences, the relationships, the Path that we walked however long or short the time we Journeyed  together.  I learned much from each of you, I leaned much about myself, & I hope in some why I, too, impacted your lives for the better.   I'm glad I didn't take the Loop around those towns.

~~blessed be...

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I have always been a Seeker...

For as long as I can remember I have heard the beat of my own drummer.  Oh for years I tried to hear the drummer that everyone else seemed to hear.  I tried to conform, I tried to be what/who I was "supposed" to be, I tried to believe what everyone else seemed to believe.  To steal quote - "How's that workin for ya?"  Well, it didn't work too well at all.  Kinda got my life in a big mess quite honestly.   So, one day I just decided to seek what I knew was missing in my life.  Now, this was not some epiphany that just hit me like a lightening bolt one day.  No, it was a slow process.  Baby steps.  A slow, steady awakening.  With each beat of that drum in my Spirit an old belief, a part of me that was not really me fell away-replaced by a more authentic belief, a more authentic aspect of me.  Slowly, slowly, each day seeking Truth, Peace, Harmony, Joy, & Contentment.  It has taken decades to be the woman who sits here tonight typing away.  I am still a Seeker, I will always be a Seeker.  The layers of me peel away like the skin of an onion revealing wonderous things.  I have let go of the judgments what were instilled in me in childhood, I have learned tolerance.  I have learned that all those voices that shouted negativity at me throughout my childhood, my teenage years, my years as a young vulnerable woman were wrong.  I am worthy- I know my value.  I am lovable - I love me.  I see the beauty that is within me.  I may not be super model beautiful, I may not be beautiful by the standards of society in general but guess what...I find myself to be beautiful in many ways.  I have found self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem.  I am smart & I am funny.  I am a good friend.  I am a good person.  I am no longer angry, I have found peace.  I am no longer defined by my history, but my stories are a part of making me my authentic self.   I no longer look for happiness outside myself, it resides within my Spirit.  

Today I seek to become more Enlightened.  I seek to live in harmony with Nature.  I seek to go deeper within to find answers that reside within my very DNA - answers that I brought with me on this Journey.  Each day when I awake, I take a page from Dr. Wayne Dyer & say Thank You three times before I get out of bed.   I know that each day I can choose to feel badly or I can choose to be fabulous.  I choose fabulous!  Everyday I say "I am grateful, & I am blessed".  I walk outside on my patio & breath in the air of a new day.  And each night I walk out to the patio & stand in the dark thanking the Universe for the day.   To sit awhile in the stillness with no thoughts, just being in the Now refreshes me & sends me off to a good night's sleep.

I meditate at least once a day.  I try to meditate morning & night.  Sometimes, however, I find that meditating mid-day is refreshing & reminds me of my inner focus.  That focus, that balance, that grounding of my Spirit is what I now live to experience.  That way of seeing everything & everyone in a fresh light.  A light filled with compassion, love, understanding, & acceptance.

The energy I find in Reiki has also helped to ground me, to balance me, to keep me in sync with the Universe.   My psychic abilities are being honed sharply.  I can touch a person & sometimes get amazing messages for them or about them.  I have always been able to see the darkness in people, but now I know how to help disspell that darkness & most importantly I know how to NOT take the darkness into myself.

I am a Seeker.  I seek knowledge, understanding, Enlightenment.  I seek to know from whence I came.  I seek to understand my Gifts.  I no longer seek my Path for it is revealed to me on my Journey.  I no longer seek my Destiny for it too is revealed to me through my Journey.  The voices are quite loud most of the time now, but they no longer haunt & taunt me.  Now they are the voices of my guides, my angels, the Universe giving me that which I have sought for so many years.   Yes, I am a Seeker.  As I delve deeper into the Tao, the peace engulfs me.  I understand that which I have sensed for years.   I am a Seeker...I seek to live fully, in harmony, guided by the Universe, sharing my Gifts, following my Path, moving toward my Destiny with authenticity, love, compassion, tolerance, peace, & joy.  I am a Seeker.  I am blessed, & I am grateful!

~~blessed be...