Monday, June 29, 2009

Blast from the Past....

This is what happens when you move, you find things you did not even know you had. Such is the case with these photos. The lower one is my formal wedding portrait that was published in my hometown newspaper when Me Hijo's Dad & I got married. The upper one was just included in my wedding album. I was 20 yrs old, it was 1972. Yep, May 20, 1972 was my wedding date. 37 yrs ago. One year & three months before I graduated from college. That's right I am now 57. Who is that girl??? Was I ever that young??? For the first time, looking at these brought a smile, no bad feelings, no remorse. Just someone I used to know.

blessed be...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Angels, Enlightenment, Revelation, & my Totem..

For several days I have known I wanted to post, but nothing that I was thinking about seemed "right". This morning in checking on the blogs I read regularly I found this:

As I was reading it a name popped into my head "Thomas" spoken so audibly in my Spirit. When I was a little girl I had an imaginary friend I called Tom. He was with me all the time. I have always thought he was my Guardian Angel & today I got confirmation. Thomas! It is nice to know that he has a more formal name. That is what I shall call him from here on out. His true, formal, grown-up name--Thomas. I know now that he came to me in a form (although I cannot remember what he looked like, I do remember the essence of his presence) & with a name that I, as a child, would accept. Right now, it feels as if I turn very quickly I could catch sight of him standing behind me. But, alas, I am not fast enough to do that. But, I feel his presence. He is very close, just behind my right shoulder. I know he is here to help me, to guide me, to help me with the answers for which I am looking. It brings tears to my eyes, tears that have been just below the surface for several days now. I don't think they are from sadness or loss, but in recognition of something that I thought I could not touch again. Thomas! Every time I type his name I feel him move closer. He is tall, very tall. He is dark with light all around. His hand is on my shoulder. I want to cry, but I feel such peace. I believe, with Thomas beside me, the next phase of the Journey is about to begin.

blessed be...


NOTE: Thanks Jen for directing me to:

I loved her post on Totems, & the one I read this morning really spoke to me. To my gift of second sight. It is time to fully emerce myself in meditation, reading, connecting with that which is unseen in my life. I know now why my Totem, my beautiful Wolf, has moved into the house. He wants to be near to guide me along with Thomas toward all that awaits me as the Enlightenment begins anew.


I have also been reading & thinking so much about Parallel Universes & the experience of Quantum Jumping. Many years ago I had this experience. In a semi-trance state I would experience myself in an entirely different life. Different family, etc. I would have a whole, complete life just outside this realm of existence. I found it very comforting to have a sane life that I could go to. I also experience this when the Wolf Pack comes to me in my visions. There is a cabin in the woods in which I live, there is a man who shares that life with me, & there is my beautiful Pack which never leaves my side. We have a life in that world which is peaceful & in perfect harmony with Nature & the two-leggeds. I like that life.

I believe my Wolf Totem & Thomas are coming together to help me live that life, or at least the authentic life I am meant to have on this plain of existence, in this moment. I think that is why the new house has come about (the energy is so good in that home), why I am being lead toward the people who are now in my life, why I am feeling a peaceful restlessness to move forward, & in some ways backward, toward my studies of Spiritualism, my Native heritage, & my gifts. I thank Great Spirit for this opportunity.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Icons-3 Generations

  • The Old---Ed McMahon
  • The Sick--Farrah Fawcett
  • The Sudden-Michael Jackson


Each of these people left more memories than their Public can ever know. Those are the memories left in the hearts of those who loved them...loved the "real" person that the public will never know. Those are the people who are truly mourning, who have suffered the greatest grief. Their loss knows no boundaries, & long after the fans have moved on these individuals will continue to miss their loved ones. To them: The McMahon Family; The Fawcett-O'Neal Family; The Jackson Family my heart goes out. I know their loss & for that I grieve.

blessed be...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Happy Birthday, Me Hijo

This is the one day, for the last 33 yrs, that I know exactly what I was doing every minute of the day. My son was born in Austin, TX at 10:59 pm on June 24, 1976. He is my heart, the light of my life. He is the one who gave me the courage to live. He is the one that I honor every June 24th. I fell in love with him the moment he was laid in my arms & that has never changed. I made many mistakes as a Mom, but one thing never changed. I love my son with all that I am. Always have, always will.

He is a wonderful man, his trials have been by fire. He is scorched & refined but not bowed. Me Hijo (as I have called him since he was 3 yrs old) is a fine man, a good husband, a devoted father to my 3 wonderful grands. He inspires me to be the best I can be in these remaining days that I Journey through the Adventure that is my Life. I have taken him on some hairy adventures & for that I am sorry. I thank Great Spirit that he survived.

Happy, Happy Birthday Me Hijo!! I love you more than words can ever say. Thank you for letting me be your Mom--it is an honor & a priviledge to know you.

***the song's for you*** Child of Mine by Emmylou Harris

blessed be...

Simply An Inspired Life - Jonathan Lockwood Huie and Mary Anne Radmacher

I just LOVE this site. I get daily inspiring quotes, meditations, etc from them. I hope you enjoy the link. It really spoke to me this morning. blessed be...

Simply An Inspired Life - Jonathan Lockwood Huie and Mary Anne Radmacher

Shared via AddThis

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Father's Day

1957 (Me age 5 1/2 yrs, My brother age 5-6 months, Daddy age 32, & Mama age 24)
click to enlarge picture

Back in the day, we never celebrated Father's Day or Mother's Day at my house. When I went to college I began sending cards to my Daddy for Father's Day. He never cared for any of the gifts I gave him. Except for one that I sent one Father's Day. A leather wallet with his name engraved on it. He carried it til he died (that was many years after I gave it to him). When he opened that present, he immediately took out his old wallet & transferred everything to the new one. It was so nice to, for once, have done the right thing for him & to have given something he appreciated rather than ridiculed. It is a good memory.

Fast forward to 2008. After 20+ years of being a widow my Mother remarried. My step-dad is a Baptist minister (we are not BTW Baptist). He & my Mom had a very long courtship-3 dates. She & my Daddy married after knowing each other for 3 months so she does not believe in long engagements. My only request was that I met her new fella before the wedding. I was happy for her but wanted to check him out first. It was ok. He has always called me "Daughter" & I call him Pops. He is very different than my Daddy. Much more loving, & he likes me.

For Father's Day I gave Pops Oliver a year old Chihuahua. Pops has been wanting one for this whole year. So, when Oliver was offered to me with all accessories I accepted & gave him to Pops. I thought Pops was gonna cry he was so happy. So Oliver has a great home, he is very pampered & even sleeps on the bed with Pops & Mom. He watches TV with Pops & goes everywhere with him. Pops is so happy, Oliver is so happy, & my Mom is so happy because Pops is happy. So, once again, I scored as the Good Daughter in the Father's Day Gift Department.

2009 Pops & Oliver
the sun was in Oliver's eyes so he squinted. He is really adorable.

Happy Father's Day to all!!!

blessed be...
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Friday, June 19, 2009

Father's Day Giveaway

Visit my friend JenX for a chance to win Sesame Street Vol 1 1969-1974

Good Luck!!!

blessed be...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Running from my past

I left my hometown as soon as humanly possible, vowing never to return. I tried to get out sooner, but failed. I considered many times running away, but when I was younger I was always afraid so that was out of the question. I was afraid of everything: darkness, yelling, disappointing people, my own imperfections, failure, life, people, heights (this one still freaks me out), & most of all myself. I found an all girls' school in Virginia that I wanted to attend. No money to send me away to school. I wanted to go on the wheat harvest one summer. That was met with a big no-my Mom was absolutely appalled I would even think of this. I learned not to have dreams & if I did certainly not to voice them or any opinion of mine to my parents.

I was a good student but I absolutely hated High School. I always felt like a square peg in a round hole. I just didn't seem to fit in. Depression became by constant companion by Senior Year & lived with me for many years, gone now thankfully. I was super-sensitive to raised voice, teasing, & criticism. There was so much of that from my Dad at home that I just would dissolve in tears whenever it happened. This was true for many years of my life. I would just cry at the drop of a hat.

I was not allowed to go where the other kids went, do what the other kids did, dress like the other girls. I saved my money once & had spied the cutest dress at one of the local dress shops. It was flowered (a sprinkling of multi-colored wild flowers) on a butter yellow background. It was a mini dress that stuck me mid-thigh. It had long sleeves that flared out at the elbows in a bell shape (yes, 40 yrs later I can still see that dress). I bought it & then stopped by my Mom's office to show her what I had bought all on my own. She had me try it on & promptly told me I could not keep it. It was too short (she actually checked to see if there was enough hem to let it down below my knees-there wasn not) & I was not going to wear it. Take it back. I was mortified, but back to the shop it went. I was so angry, so embarrassed, so disappointed. Then, I was not allowed to get my ears pierced. According to my Mom only "trashy women" had pierced ears. Once I got to college I pierced my ears. Later I pierced them several more times & got tattos. Funny thing, many years later my Dad wanted to get my Mom diamond earrings & she had her ears pierced so that she would not lose them. BTW, I now have those earrings-they were the last Christmas present my Dad ever bought my Mom because he died 4 months later.

I, as previously noted, never planned to return to my hometown, never planned to be in touch with anyone I knew from childhood/teenage years. Then I moved back to OK after more than 20 yrs. I have never been to a class reunion. Still have no plans to ever attend one. But I have seen several people with whom I went to school. Worked with a couple of them a few years back. Run into others here& there. Our lives have taken such different roads there was no real connection, just people we used to know when we were all someone else. I am in my hometown at least once a week now because my partner/companion is a hometown boy & his Mom still lives there. I have been able to remember the good times, banish most of the bad memories & replace them with the good ones. I had blocked out so much that I really don't remember lots of things from my growing up years. But, thanks to Sparky & his Mom, I am remembering people, places, events, etc. My brother helped me with this also before he died. Filled in alot of my blanks, because I have large gaps in my memories of childhood. I still don't really have my own memories but I can go "Oh yea, I remember....." when something is related to me.

Visiting with Tim, Barry, & Rhonda last weekend in my hometown really opened up something in me. I actually got on my Facebook account & looked for people from my graduating class. Found some, sent a friend request, two confirmed me as a friend, even got an actual response from one. It was nice. It has opened up my past in a good way. A couple have never responded but that is ok too. The old me would have taken that as a sign that I am not worthy, not valuable. But the authentic, true me understands that we weren't friends before, just people who went to school together & they may not even remember me. There were after all 30 in our graduating class, I think. LOL! I think I am finally free of the demons from High School. Free to not be negatively affected by the memories. Free to see them for what they were - just kid stuff. What really matters is who I am today, how I live my life in this moment, the impact I have on other people, being true to myself, living in authenticity, living in harmony, being joyful, following my Journey, traveling toward enlightenment, being in sync with Great Spirit, Nature, my surroundings, & harming none as I walk through this Adventure.

As I told Barry, when we were discussing what we write in our blogs, I had to live lies for too many years, keep secrets, be someone else-a shadow of myself, & now I am going to be completely honest about who I am, tell the truth, & tell my stories. That is the best I can be....Authentic!

blessed be...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Losing Grandma...

Alzheimer’s disease is a brain disorder named for German physician Alois Alzheimer who first described it in 1906. Scientists have learned a great deal about Alzheimer’s disease in the century since Dr. Alzheimer first drew attention to it. Today we know that Alzheimer’s:

  1. Is a progressive and fatal brain disease. As many as 5.3 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer's destroys brain cells, causing problems with memory, thinking and behavior severe enough to affect work, lifelong hobbies or social life. Alzheimer’s gets worse over time, and it is fatal. Today it is the seventh-leading cause of death in the United States.
  2. Is the most common form of dementia, a general term for the loss of memory and other intellectual abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life. Alzheimer’s disease accounts for 50 to 70 percent of dementia cases. Other types of dementia include vascular dementia, mixed dementia, dementia with Lewy bodies and frontotemporal dementia.
  3. Has no current cure. But treatments for symptoms, combined with the right services and support, can make life better for the millions of Americans living with Alzheimer’s. There is an accelerating worldwide effort under way to find better ways to treat the disease, delay its onset, or prevent it from developing.


My Grandma Groomer was a beautiful, elegant, talented woman. She cooked like a gourmet chef, her house was always spotless, she sewed all her own clothes including suits & they were perfect, her garden was beautiful-she had such a green thumb, always had a grape arbor & how I loved her fresh grape juice & jelly. Growing up she was my ideal. She was the standard to which I held myself for many years. She had the most beautiful singing voice, could play the harmonica, taught us to Charleston, she was a talented sketch artist. Meals at her house were perfectly appointed, always served at just the right temperature. Her desserts were to die for. I was always in awe of Grandma.

Now, I don't mean to say she was perfect 'cause she wasn't. She was judgemental, prejudiced, angry, & very unhappy. I saw all this as I became older. She had a very priviledged start in life. Her grandparents were very well off, aristocrats. Her mother married the hired hand. So life was tough for my Grandma & her siblings. Then her mother died in childbirth. Her grandparents cut themselves off from their daughter's family. Proverty struck my Grandma's family. My Great-Granddaddy farmed all the kids out to relatives. Then the older ones rebeled, went to work, & everyone came home. Grandma had to quit school & stayed home to take care of the baby. She did all the housework, cooking, etc. When she was 16, 17 (I don't really know) she climbed out her bedroom window & eloped with my Grandpa. They were a handsome couple.

They had four children (3 girls, 1 boy-my mother is the 2nd born). My Grandpa could fix anything, very mechanically talented. He built a TV back in the 40's from scratch. I am amazed by that. He was also a bootlegger during Prohibition. Then, after many jobs, he became a cop on the Norman force. I can still see him in his uniform. He & his partner were rear-ended at a traffic light & his back was broken. While he was not paralyzed that ended his career in law enforcement. He had a pension from the City of Norman & the US Navy for his service in World War II. He had four kids at home & volunteered for the Navy. My Grandma was PO'd to say the least. Then when it came time to allocate his monthly allotment while he was overseas, she found out he had never gotten a divorce from the wife before her (is my family messed up or what??!!!). Since they had kids, the allotment came to her. I think my Grandma was Grandpa's third wife & they married young.

After my Grandpa died in the mid-80's, Grandma was lost. They fought horribly & were always angry with each other, but when he died Grandma had no purpose. She had been taking care of people since she was a little girl. She got mugged & chased the muggers down the street of the retirement community. I come from very self-sufficient, strong Southern women. We, overall, take no crap, especially from muggers.

My Grandma was tough. She survived uterine cancer when I was in Jr. High, breast cancer when I was in my mid-20's. She gave me a wonderful gift in that she showed me her scar & after that I was never afraid to face breast cancer because the mastectomy wasn't scary. She had no treatment & was cancer free for many, many years.

My Mom & Aunt started noticing that Grandma was not herself. She baked potatoes once & there were big clumps of dirt on them. That just was not Grandma acceptable. You could, literally, eat off her floor. This woman boiled everything. She could catch a baby's pacifier before it hit the ground, drop it in a pot of boiling water, & give it back to you before you could bat an eye. I saw her do this when one of my cousins was a baby. Awesome!! Then she started leaving the stove on. So, they moved her to a retirement home. She would wander away & head for the hospital where my Grandpa had been treated. Once she was found wandering in a neighborhood in Edmond. The woman was an escape artist. She climbed the wall once. I saw her at that Home for the first time in years. She was very happy to see me. But she would fade in & out. She knew me, called me by name, but she would sometimes tell me "You are so big" & ask my Mom "Where are your little children?" It was sad, but manageble because she knew me & called me by name.

Then we had to move her to a home for alzeheimer patients. She became almost completely non-verbal, but she still knew me. She would always smile when I walked in & called "Grandma". She would pat me & say "Pretty". She would communicate her likes & dislikes. She still tried to escape even though she was in "lock down". I got pinched by older men alot at that place.

After a couple of years we moved her to the Oklahoma Christian Home in Edmond nearer my Aunt who visited everyday. After I moved back to OK my Mom & I would go every weekend to spend most of the day with Grandma, feed her, change her, & all the other things she needed. She had breast cancer again. It had come back in her other breast before she was diagnosed with alzheimers. She had opted for no treatment at all & we honored that wish. She was in pain alot, but had a morphine patch. I kept up with that because once it was missing & a few times it did not get changed on schedule. I am a hard taskmaster when it comes to my loved ones' care.

Through all of this, the moves, etc. Grandma knew me everytime I visited. We had some good times. I got her headphones so she could listen to hymns, I got her red sunglasses so she could sit in the garden. Then that awful day came when I walked in , called "Grandma" when I saw her & she turned to me with a blank stare. No recognition at all. I was broken-hearted. But, funny thing was that even though she had no idea who I was, she liked me. She would always smile at me. She would sometimes still pat my hand or touch a particular garment I was wearing. She always seemed to like it when I wore overalls. She did not like me to wear them when she was my Grandma, but when she became the other Grandma she loved them. Go figure.

Grandma lived this way for a couple of years. Then one day she choked on a piece of scrambled egg, an aide was feeding her because my Aunt was late that morning. It was no one's fault. It was just Grandma's time to move to the Other Side. She lived for several weeks, but just slowly faded away. My first grandchild, my grandson Little Wolf, was born four days after she died.

"For everything that is lost, something is gained"


I love you, Grandma. You taught me so much. Think I'll catch you later...on the Other Side!


blessed be...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

My Tribe just got bigger...

Saturday, June 6, 2009 heralded the arrival of new friends. New from the standpoint we had never met in person before. Old friends because we know each other through our blogs. How we all "found" each other is amazing. Tim found me through one of my friend's blogs based on a comment I left. Then I found Tim. Through Tim & JenX (another OK blogger that wasn't able to meet with everyone until Sunday-sadly I could not be there), whom I found through Tim I found Barry. Then Barry found me. Or at least this is how we all think it happened. Notheless, we all had an amazing connection. So for many months now we have been blogging back & forth, leaving comments for each other. Then, happiness of all happiness, I found out that Barry & Rhonda were coming to OKC for Red Earth. They had been invited by Tim for the visit. So, after e-mails back & forth with Tim we decided to meet at my old stomping grounds, The Chickasaw National Recreation Area in Sulphur (I was born & raised in Sulphur). We met at the Nature Center on Saturday afternoon. As I have shared with Barry, it was, for me, like going home. When I hugged each of them I knew, just knew, we were connected on some higher level. It was like we had been apart for awhile & were now back together. We had the most comfortable conversations. We walked, wadded, drove around, took pictures, & just shared our lives. I think we sat for three hours eating & talking. Good thing we were in a convenience store/bar-b-que place or we just might have closed the place down. LOL

As is tradition with me, they each now possess a wolf totem. My Tribe is the family of my heart/my Spirit, connected through the ages. Destiny allowed us to find each other, destiny brought us together. There is a purpose to our connection. Do I know what it is or why it is? No. But I do believe we made this decision to find each other while our Spirits were dwelling on the Other Side. Somehow, somewhere, sometime we would again connect to fulfull promises made a very long time ago. The time is right. The time is Now. We are, once again, together. Connected through the ages by lessons we decided to come here to learn, promises we made in our Spirit form. Where will the Journey lead us? Only Time & Great Spirit can tell us. All I know right now is that I am a very blessed woman.

blessed be...

Tim, Me, & Barry

Barry & Rhonda -- Spokane, WA

Friday, June 5, 2009

Journey-The Great Adventure of Life

“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;
The soul that rises with us or life’s star,
Has had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar,
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But railing clouds of glory,
do we come
From God,
who is our home.”
~William Wordsworth (1770-1850)
Found this quote today on She has a very thought-provoking post on reincarnation with wonderful eclectic quotes.
Before reading the above blog this morning, I had been thinking alot yesterday & this morning about why we meet the people we meet. Why do certain people come into our lives? Why do some stay forever & some only for a Season? Why do some people pass on by? Why is there an instant connection to some people when we meet? Why is there an instant connection to people we meet in the cyber world?
My own thoughts on this are that it is all a part of the Journey. Sometimes it is not necessarily our Journey but the Journey of the other person. We have chosen, I believe, to leave our Spiritual Home & take human form in order to learn predetermined lessons that we choose while still in Spirit form. It is, I believe, a part of our becoming more enlightened. I believe we make pacts with other Spirits to meet on this plane of existance in order to further our Journey/learning, their Journey/learning, or both of our Journey/Purposes. The really cool part is that we don't remember any of this. So we have these really terrific ahhh haaa moments during our Journey. We meet someone & we begin talking just like we have been together for all of our lives. That instant connection where we know each other. I am always amazed & so very blessed when these happen. I know they are a gift from not only Great Spirit, but from my true past. i have met a long-lost friend.
I know that when my Purpose here is finished I will return to Spirit form & return Home. There I will assess all that I experienced in this incarnation. I will decide if I still have more to learn. I will decide if I want to return again, reincarnated once more. That is, I believe, why we meet and/or observe some people who seem to be so highly evolved. They have brought all their previous knowledge with them & are expanding on it once more.
My Journey has been a rocky one. Sometimes I ask myself "If I chose this, why did I choose to have this birth family, these experiences?" Then I know that it is to learn more about myself &, sometimes, to help others through their struggles. To evolve into a more tolerant, understanding, loving, compassionate, in tune, in touch person. Then I meet someone who touches me so deeply & I know I am on the right path...for me.
In my travels, I have met people from places I used to live. Why didn't I meet them there? Because it was not the right time, not time for the lesson I, or they needed, to learn. I have one friend that I have known for 42 yrs. We have been in & out of touch throughout those years. For many of those years our timing seemed to be "off" & we could not sustain being together (he was my first love, my first kiss, & I have always thought my truest love), we would live in the same state, the same city but never at the same time. Then for several years we were together. He was with me when my beloved brother died. I could not have gotten through that time without his take charge attitude in making all the calls that needed to be made to friends & family. He was my strength in those days, weeks, & months that followed. Then, again, we could not sustain being together. Our lives were in different places, literally.
Sparky spoke at my brother's funeral because Dave requested he do so. It was beautiful & I wish it has been recorded, but the part that stuck with me was when he said "This is just another time where I won't see Dave for awhile". That was the theme of his rememberance. They had run the roads together in high school, then not seen each other for years, then one day a cop waved at Sparky. Then another day, a cop in a squad car waved at Sparky & he realized it was Dave. Then they saw each other here & there for years. Then Sparky & I were together & we spent alot of time with Dave. Then we broke up & they went back to waving at each other. Then Dave was terminal & Sparky spent alot of time at the house visiting, remembering, laughing, planning with him.
And, now, Sparky & I are together once more. This was his choice & I chose to take a chance on him again. But, I definately laid down some ground rules ~smiles~ For a reason that still has not yet been revealed to me, we are in each other's lives. We grew up together, then did not see each other for over 20 yrs. He never crossed my mind, just a boy from my hometown. Then mutual friends fixed us up. We were together for several years. He called "stop". I moved on, he moved on. Then, after Dave died, he began calling now & then. Just checking on me. Then we got back together. There is a Purpose in all this. I know that he thinks I am smart, funny. I also know he agrees with some of my beliefs, but while he never says so he also thinks some of my beliefs are "cracked" & I believe I sometimes make him uncomfortable with what I rally toward. Sometimes I am talking about something I am passionate about & he gets real quiet & changes the subject. Sometimes he asks more questions. Mostly, it is the change the subject ploy. But, hey, I don't go for all he believes either. He is a good man, but not highly evolved in tolerance & acceptance. He can be such a red-neck sometimes. Then he can totally surprise me with his views & how liberal he can think/believe. He has his "stuff". But, I just keep being me. Will we be in each other's lives forever? Only Great Spirit knows for sure. I'm just taking it a day at a time, 'cause who knows where the wind may blow me next. We both probably have lessons to learn from each other. It is an interesting ride.
So, for me, this Life is not a destination, but it is a Journey & a great Adventure toward knowing so much about myself & others. I am so in awe of the serendipity, the synchronicity of it all. I have learned not to question "Why?" because ultimately it will be revealed to me in one way or another-on this or the Other Side. The death of human form is not the end, but only the beginning of another Journey, another Great Adventure. Our Spirits never die, they live on through eternity as they always have & as they always will. This is the great equalizer--we are all the same, we come from the same energy, we were made by the same Great Spirit, we struggle to find new understanding of the Journey in this life so that we can go Home to share all that we have learned with those who choose not to leave our blessed Home.
In closing, in the true words of my sister-friend, the sister of my heart, Butterflies---"There are not coincidences"
blessed be...