Thursday, October 30, 2008

My favorite poet

Touched by an Angel

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight to liberate us into life.
Love arrives and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold, love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light we dare be brave
And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be.
Yet it is only love which sets us free.

Maya Angelou

Blessed be...

Monday, October 20, 2008



The above is Sanskrit & means "A Beautiful Mistake". There are no mistakes in life, just opportunites for growth, learning, & humility. If we see each so called mis-step as an opportunity then life & the living of it will take on a whole new perspective. Sometimes we spend alot of time on "if only, "what if", "coulda, shoulda, whoulda", etc. Each twist & turn of life is an experience we have chosen-some more conscious than others, but still chosen. We, I believe, choose our time to leave our Spirit Home & have a human experience here, we choose the experiences we will have here as a way to grow & become more enlightened on our journey of self-awareness. We also leave this life when our work is done. Do we choose our time to die? I'm not sure, but I do know we do not stay here one moment past the time all of our work is done. That is the cycle of Life, Death, Re-birth. From Spiritual being, to having a Human experience, to completion of our Work, to our return Home once again in Spirit form. I know in my heart that we are ever-living beings full of energy (call it Soul) who have lived & will continue to live forever. As I have said before-Death is not the end, but another new beginning. We go Home to share our experiences & the lessons learned.

Beautiful mistakes--oh my!! I have had my share. Some were so much more beautiful than the others, but from them all I have become the woman I am today. I have shed my skin several times in rebirths & reinventions of myself until I have become the woman I believe I was meant to be-a woman I really like. I am much more loving, tolerant, understanding, compassionate, & informed than I was when I left Smalltown, OK so very many years ago. I have lived so many lives in those years-traveled so many miles. It has been an amazing journey...& it it continues.

I was once so narrow minded, so closed off. Now I embrace the differences in everyone. I see people through their hearts not their skin or orientation or political views. I think I see the real person now. I accept, embrace, & love the differences I find in others. Through those differences I find out things about myself & it challenges my belief system. Sometimes it even helps me to change a belief or fine tune a thought. I love those challenges. I found many such experiences in the bigger cities in which I have lived, but I am finding them here also. I am also finding opportunities to voice what I have learned, what I have come to believe. Maybe, just maybe my voice will help someone else to grow, to think, to learn, to question & to find his/her own true voice. Inside each of our belief systems is the "gray area" that area that we thought was so black & white--that is until we take a situation & put ourself there as a participant not an onlooker. Then the perspective starts to change. Then we see the other person's view. Then we grow. Then we become more compassionate, more tolerant, less judgemental.

Reflect on your own Beautiful Mistakes. Challenge yourself today!

Blessed be...

Friday, October 17, 2008

To Thine Ownself Be True...

As I was getting logged on this morning "To Thine Ownself Be True" was one of the first things I saw. Now I do not believe in coincidence-everything happens for a reason. A lesson to be learned, a lesson to be taught. There is meaning in everything. At least as far as I am concerned. That is my belief.

In thinking about this phrase for the last hour or so I realized it goes along with everything else that has been running through my mind this week-the boyfriend issue, etc. Also, I found out (20 yrs later) that my Nanny, whom I adored, actually wrote me out of her will. DUH!! All these years I had been told she left everything to my Mom (her daughter-in-law) because my Dad had already died (he was an only child & my brother & myself were the only heirs) & wanted my Mom to get everything. Not true. She completely wrote me out (I found the will when I was going through stuff for the yard sale). Everything would have gone to my son, my brother, & his son if Mom has already died. My brother would have been the trustee for the boys. Supposedly this was all because no one liked my husband at the time. Whatever! To make a long story short, the money was all eventually spent on my brother & his son. My son has never gotten anything from my family. It is so sad & makes him feel like crap where his Grandmother is concerned (I will NOT be sharing this latest discovery with him). So, as always I have been lied to once more. But, it has been a lot of years since Nanny died, on my birthday, so I will go on & not dwell on this latest crap. Peace out on this subject!

To Thine Ownself Be True...immortal words. Words by which, in all actuality, I have always lived. Guess it is kinda my creed. I have heard my own music & danced to it. I have really never cared what others thought, but have lived my life doing what I felt was "right". Right for me, right for my son, right at any given time in my life. I have traveled, lived in many cities far from Smalltown, OK. I have been to town, seen the elephant, & have the t-shirt. Boy do I have the t-shirts!! Life has always been one big adventure for me. Pack up, hit the road, see where the path lead. It has lead many places-some good, some bad, but always a learning experience. Always a path of growth & discovery about me-who I am, what I want. I have found out I can do just about anything I set my mind to doing, I have grown into a loving, compassionate, hard-working, tolerant, understanding, passion filled woman with a terrific sense of humor & the ability to see the positive in Life. Far far from the girl I was when I started the Journey. I have found my belief system about the Universe & the After Life. I have faced my demons, I have celebrated my loves, but most of all I have lived. After all isn't that what Life is meant to be--Living & Discovering.

People have commented on my phrase "Blessed be" so I thought I would close with its meaning.

This is a wiccan salutation meant to empower both parties with blessed be powers. The Blessed Be salutation is a process of transferring positive energy to both parties. To say "Blessed be" to someone indicates that you wish good and positive things upon them.
Pronunciation: Bless-ed be

So to all of you today & always

Blessed be...

Monday, October 13, 2008


Monday, Monday -can't trust that day...

Rainy Days & Mondays always make me...

But today Monday means I am a winner!! Over at Mama Bear's Den (you can access her blog through my favorites) was a give-away drawing for some really cute fall items plus CHOCOLATE (every woman's favorite). Well, low & behold I won. Go figure. Thanks!! Dawn--your blog is always so much fun. Visit Dawn sometime. She is a homeschooling Mom of two beautiful young people who just moved to one of my favorite places on earth--Oregon!!

It is snowing in Montana-3 feet in the mountains so far-- guess I am glad to still be in OK. The trees are just starting to turn in my part of OK. Should be really lovely in a week or so. Rain predicted for tonight through Tuesday. It is Fall after all.

Visited with Mom & Pops Saturday. They have so much stuff after combining their households that some of it just has to go. So...Mom volunteered me to run their yard sale next weekend. Living an hour away makes it quite an adventure. But we are organized, they have their instructions for the week, & I will be there next weekend to get that stuff moved outta there. Money, money, money!! LOL!
New job is going good. In this economy, I just feel so very blessed to have a good paying job. It will allow me to get caught up from the weeks I was out of work &, hopefully, start getting a little put aside. We shall see.
Thinking alot this weekend about changing my life some more. I no longer correspond or talk to Big Guy. That just finally ran its course. Had a real awakening one night when we were talking that the conversations weren't adding anything positive to my life. In fact, they were just adding to the stress. So, I told him we need a break. But, for me, the break will be permanent.
Sparky & I still see each other & talk daily. But, that relationship is not adding any value to my life either--not emotionally or romantically at least. I still have some trouble totally trusting hime after our "weird" breakup of several years ago. So, I will continue to evaluate the situation, but I know in my heart it is coming to an end. He is a good man & has been such a big help to me over the last couple of years, but you cannot stay in something that doesn't make you happy & that is going nowhere just out of a sense of obligation. Didn't stay in my marriages for that reason so sure cannot stay in a "dating" thing that will never be anything else for that reason. Much to ponder, much to decide. I'm in a rut & must get out. Send me good vibes!!
So this week I will be figuring out my options!
Blessed be....

Friday, October 3, 2008


If I should stay I would only be in your way

So I'll go, and yet I know I'll think of you each step of the way

And I will always love you

I will always love you

Bittersweet memories That's all I have, and I'm taking with me

Goodbye, please don't you cry

Cause we both know, I'm not what you need

But, I will always love you I will always love you I hope life

Treats you kind

And I hope you have all you dream of

I wish you joy And happiness

But above all this, I wish you love

And I will always love you I will always love you

Yes, I will always love you

I will always love you
This song was playing in my head all night. So I thought why?? Every now & then a ghost will wander through my heart--a ghost of a love gone bad, a lover left (for valid reasons), a memory of all the good times that could not overshadow the bad. Still, ex #2 was, is, will always be the one I loved beyond all reason-an addiction I could not get past. The one who will always hold my heart-even though he stomped it good. Still, love knows no reason-it is what it is when you give your heart away. Just because we brought out the worst in each other does not mean there was no love. At times, the love was all that kept us together. But, a love like that can kill you when it goes over an edge. This one crossed that point & I knew I had to leave. It was hard to do. I have no regrets about leaving, but I sure do miss the good times. So...Cowboy I do love you, just like I promised that will never change. But I had to save myself because I could not save you. I hope you have conquered your demons & found peace, contentment, & again love.
Blessed be...

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

On & on...

The Road Goes Ever On
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
-- J R R Tolkien
Wander lust is in my heart, my very soul longs for the open road, a new adventure. I am more cautious these days, no running with no plan, no destination. I plan my roaming more these days-so stifling. I long for the day when I can again load up & hit the road. No destination, no plan-just me, the furkids, & the open road. Back roads offer such discovery, so many things to see & explore. Old towns, old houses, old barns. Sometimes people that time has almost forgotten. Motels with really crappy TV & no internet. Back to a slower pace, a more peaceful time. Time to take a deep breath & really, finally, exhale. Feel all the stress just leave in one long exhaled breath.
I had not realized how much of myself I had lost in the last year & a half with my former job. I became someone I almost did not know. I was hard & tough at work. No time for BS, just get the job done. In truth, I am more laid back than that. Just kinda easy, breezy taking Life as it comes. So my karma was a bit out of whack. I realized it when I was out of work & had time to reflect on many things. Now it is all coming together in a very peaceful, contented way. I am working my way back from an abyss. Now I realize that I must focus on myself & get back to the spiritual, peaceful existance I love. So, I am getting ready to start yoga again, maybe even Pilates (I have recorded several sessions on Veria-great channel on Dish Network). I am starting to read again. Different things-magazines-I really like Science of the Mind-novels-ordered some Ann Rule the other day-watching a lot of Paranormal State on A&E, getting ready to start reading Sylvia Browne again also. Finished "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch-a MUST read for everyone. The lecture can be found online at YouTube as well as other sites. Well worth the time.
Massage (I have been twice in the last couple of weeks) is getting all the built up stress & knots out of my muscles. The therapist is wonderful-not a good as the one I saw before, but definately has a good touch. I think I will go for reflexology for the next time & see what that unleashes.
So for now, I will wander within my own spirit. Wander to that place where all is peaceful, mellow, & laid back. Deep in meditation to find my centered balanced self once more.
Blessed be...