Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The Book of Life...

Read something on one of the pages I follow on Facebook today -- Life is a series of short-stories masquerading as a novel.

How true that is to me.  I have always looked back over my Journey thinking of it as chapters in my novel of life, but now I see that each chapter of Me can actually stand alone.  Each part of my Life, while leading me ultimately to this place & time, actually is a complete story that stands alone.  Each part of my life could have become the Here & Now of me.  Each part has a beginning, a middle, & an ending.  Then the next story starts anew. 

I have been thinking so much lately of writing a book, factional writing (fiction based on facts changing names & places perhaps while delving into the lessons that came at each juncture & what I brought to meld into the Me I am today based on what I learned).  I have a title, but now rather than a several hundred page book that ties each chapter together I am thinking of a series of short stories that carry a theme.  Each story would stand alone, but would also contribute to the final story.  It would be a complete book of stories.  Stories that chronicle my Journey, the discovery of my Path, the ups & downs I have gone through to reach the Enlightenment I have today.  I may have more Enlightenment later but for today I am content in the knowledge that I have come far from where I was to where I am.

It has always amazed me that in looking back on my past lives (not reincarnations but all the lives I have lived in this incarnation) how I sometimes do not recognize ME in those lives because that me is so far removed from the Here & Now Me.  Most times it is like I am telling someone else's story. Sometimes the past me is very foreign to the present me.  Maybe everyone feels that way & maybe not, but I know that is how I feel.  

I think of all the points, crossroads if you will, where I made a conscious decision to become someone else - to explore a different facit of myself.   Each time this happened I know it was the Universe leading my Spirit to fulfill my true destiny, to find my authentic self that I had journeyed here to become.  Sometimes I had to leave people behind in order to walk that part of my Path, because it was not their Path.   Sometimes I have made a u-turn & gone back to the story because I thought I could change the ending.  This has only brought pain to me & to others & has not changed the outcome of that particular story, but has only prolonged the ending.  Peace has been found in journeying on the Path that has been set before me - walking unquestioningly into the unknown because that is where I am being lead. 

So, I think I will go through all my writings - Journals, old blogs, this blog, notes scratched here & there to find all that I want to include.  I think it is time to begin editing my writings, to begin putting them in some sort of order, & to begin to tie all the short stories into a work that I hope will be found useful by others.  I may still write here & I may not - that is yet to be seen.  But be assured that at some point you will see my writings again.   For now, dear readers, I leave you with this...

“May your days be many and your troubles be few.

May all God's blessings descend upon you.

May peace be within you.

May your heart be strong.

May you find what you're seeking wherever you roam.”

Irish Blessing

~~blessed be...

Sunday, May 13, 2012

The View...

"Remember that the windshield is bigger than the rear-view mirror, because where you're

 going is more important than where you've been"...from Lori 



When you fully grasp this Life Lesson the Journey becomes so much easier & so much more enjoyable.  Where you've been was a lesson learned & to revisit the past, to let those from the negative part of your past rent space in your head or impact your life now just causes unnecessary pain, & the past cannot be resolved for it is done.  Look only to today for it is in the Present you will find your Authenticity based on the Lessons you have learned on the Road we call Life.  

There is a lot of "stuff" in my rear-view mirror.  There are ghosts, lost loves, forgotten friends, curves, bumps, road blocks, detours, & miles of good road.  There are many towns in my rear-view mirror.  Some I used to think I should have avoided, taken the loop around rather than driving straight through the middle of town.  But, I have always been one to live the Adventure, to see the sights, to experience the "new".  So there haven't been many times I took the loop.  When I look back at my Journey it is only to more fully understand a Lesson, to thank the Universe for the experiences that have shaped the woman I am today.   I am thankful for everyone who walked my Path with me however long or short the time was that they joined me.  I have experienced great friendships that were only meant for a Season.  There are women who helped shape the Path I am walking today - women who gave good counsel, offered a shoulder for tears, gave insight that I was not always ready to acknowledge.  In hindsight they were all guides in this Life, guided to me by the Universe with their words always offered in love but speaking truths that were so profound in my Journey.  I have often wondered if those women realized the impact that would result from their presence in my life at a time when I was running on empty.  They filled my heart, spoke deep within my Spirit, & filled me with the ability to recognize my value & filled me with self-love.

I can remember an evening in Portland OR in 1993, sitting with two women friends discussing all that is Spiritual.  Delving into our deepest emotions & hurts.  That night changed my life & allowed me to be open to the changes that were occurring within me.  Allowed me to see so clearly a decision that I knew I had to make in order to survive - physically, psychologically, emotionally, & Spiritually.  Chains fell away that night.  I found courage to say "Enough".  Funny, how some experiences are so deeply embedded in your DNA.  I can see the city lights out the bank of windows that lead to the deck overlooking lush green trees, I can smell the candles that burned that night, I can hear the soft music in the background, I can see the three of us sitting on chairs, cushions, a couch. I can hear the murmur of our voices.  I can feel the wine glass in my hand.  I can feel the love that was in that room that evening.   It was a magical evening & I have carried the magic with me for almost 20 yrs now.

1993 & 1994 for amazing years for me in Awakenings.  Those two years lead to so much change within me. Years previous did too but those are the years that stand out profoundly in my memory because those were the years that I began to fully understand the importance of a Community of Women.  Another female friend in Portland invited me to accompany her to a visit with her psychic & to have a reading done.  To this day I remember that reading.  Again, I can see the kitchen table where we sat, hear the psychic's voice, the quiet murmurs of the breeze, see the house surrounded by beautiful vegetation.  Much of that reading has come to reality.  In fact most of it has become a part of my life.  Some of it is still unfolding but it is all coming to fruition.  

So, from a girl whose only close confidants were male throughout her teens, 20's & 30's to an evolving woman who, in her 40's, began to develop close female friendships which at the time seemed to come out of seemingly nowhere with women that it seemed ludicrous with whom to have a friendship, but that just would not let me ignore that they wanted to be friends to a woman now 60 who has meaningful friendships with women of all ages.  So, as I say so often, there are no coincidences.

The friendships of the past that were only for a Season taught me the importance of these friendships - Conversation & Community that is not possible in male friendships.  Friendships that require deep Spiritual/Emotional connections with the Sacred Feminine.  Friendships with people of the male persuasion are by DNA superficial for the most part.  Oh there is the occasional male with whom I connect on a deep spiritual level & have wonderful dialogues & with whom I explore deep meanings of Life & our Journeys.  Those men, I believe, are deeply in touch with the Sacred Feminine.

I enjoy the company of men very much, I think, because I, in many ways, think like a guy.  I like guy things - fast cars, I drive like a guy, I have always been an adventurer, I used to take risks, I love motorcycles, I have a fascination with power tools, construction, & all things technical, I love guns but I do abhor hunting.   But then, as a long-time guy in my life pointed out - I am a girly girl.  I was appalled at that description (because for me it has always brought up a connotation of the kind of female I just don't "get" - the bouncy, Barbie-type which is so not me) until he explained his definition of a girly girl.  It is because I wear makeup, do my hair, love to wear lots of jewelry, never leave the house without earrings, do my nails, & even in boots/jeans I will wear pearls.  In jeans & a t-shirt I wear jewelry.  So, I guess I am a girly girl.  At least to him & that is all that matters.

So, the road ahead is bright with sunlight & smoother than it has been in a long time.  I am enjoying the view out my Windshield of Life.   The sights in my rear-view mirror are getting smaller & some have completely disappeared from sight.  But to all the good, the bad, the ugly, & the beautiful that are behind me I say "Thank you".  I have been blessed in the experiences, the relationships, the Path that we walked however long or short the time we Journeyed  together.  I learned much from each of you, I leaned much about myself, & I hope in some why I, too, impacted your lives for the better.   I'm glad I didn't take the Loop around those towns.

~~blessed be...

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I have always been a Seeker...

For as long as I can remember I have heard the beat of my own drummer.  Oh for years I tried to hear the drummer that everyone else seemed to hear.  I tried to conform, I tried to be what/who I was "supposed" to be, I tried to believe what everyone else seemed to believe.  To steal quote - "How's that workin for ya?"  Well, it didn't work too well at all.  Kinda got my life in a big mess quite honestly.   So, one day I just decided to seek what I knew was missing in my life.  Now, this was not some epiphany that just hit me like a lightening bolt one day.  No, it was a slow process.  Baby steps.  A slow, steady awakening.  With each beat of that drum in my Spirit an old belief, a part of me that was not really me fell away-replaced by a more authentic belief, a more authentic aspect of me.  Slowly, slowly, each day seeking Truth, Peace, Harmony, Joy, & Contentment.  It has taken decades to be the woman who sits here tonight typing away.  I am still a Seeker, I will always be a Seeker.  The layers of me peel away like the skin of an onion revealing wonderous things.  I have let go of the judgments what were instilled in me in childhood, I have learned tolerance.  I have learned that all those voices that shouted negativity at me throughout my childhood, my teenage years, my years as a young vulnerable woman were wrong.  I am worthy- I know my value.  I am lovable - I love me.  I see the beauty that is within me.  I may not be super model beautiful, I may not be beautiful by the standards of society in general but guess what...I find myself to be beautiful in many ways.  I have found self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem.  I am smart & I am funny.  I am a good friend.  I am a good person.  I am no longer angry, I have found peace.  I am no longer defined by my history, but my stories are a part of making me my authentic self.   I no longer look for happiness outside myself, it resides within my Spirit.  

Today I seek to become more Enlightened.  I seek to live in harmony with Nature.  I seek to go deeper within to find answers that reside within my very DNA - answers that I brought with me on this Journey.  Each day when I awake, I take a page from Dr. Wayne Dyer & say Thank You three times before I get out of bed.   I know that each day I can choose to feel badly or I can choose to be fabulous.  I choose fabulous!  Everyday I say "I am grateful, & I am blessed".  I walk outside on my patio & breath in the air of a new day.  And each night I walk out to the patio & stand in the dark thanking the Universe for the day.   To sit awhile in the stillness with no thoughts, just being in the Now refreshes me & sends me off to a good night's sleep.

I meditate at least once a day.  I try to meditate morning & night.  Sometimes, however, I find that meditating mid-day is refreshing & reminds me of my inner focus.  That focus, that balance, that grounding of my Spirit is what I now live to experience.  That way of seeing everything & everyone in a fresh light.  A light filled with compassion, love, understanding, & acceptance.

The energy I find in Reiki has also helped to ground me, to balance me, to keep me in sync with the Universe.   My psychic abilities are being honed sharply.  I can touch a person & sometimes get amazing messages for them or about them.  I have always been able to see the darkness in people, but now I know how to help disspell that darkness & most importantly I know how to NOT take the darkness into myself.

I am a Seeker.  I seek knowledge, understanding, Enlightenment.  I seek to know from whence I came.  I seek to understand my Gifts.  I no longer seek my Path for it is revealed to me on my Journey.  I no longer seek my Destiny for it too is revealed to me through my Journey.  The voices are quite loud most of the time now, but they no longer haunt & taunt me.  Now they are the voices of my guides, my angels, the Universe giving me that which I have sought for so many years.   Yes, I am a Seeker.  As I delve deeper into the Tao, the peace engulfs me.  I understand that which I have sensed for years.   I am a Seeker...I seek to live fully, in harmony, guided by the Universe, sharing my Gifts, following my Path, moving toward my Destiny with authenticity, love, compassion, tolerance, peace, & joy.  I am a Seeker.  I am blessed, & I am grateful!

~~blessed be...

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I walk with Wolves...

Last night I walked through the snow surrounded by my constant companion, Great Grey, & we were joined by a large pack.  Through the snow we traveled - effortlessly - to a cabin we have visited before.  It is my home in a parallel Universe.  I haven't been to that forest in awhile.  The pack circled the cabin a few times before letting me know it was safe, undisturbed since our last visit.  There we rested by the fire & found comfort in our thoughts.  It was quiet, peaceful, & when we left I was refreshed.  

When I awake from one of these journeys I am always at peace.  I have been totally relaxed & peaceful since Friday when my weekend began.  I drove to a friend's house so that we could attend a concert together out of town.  The drive was beautiful - a perfect Spring soon to be Summer in Oklahoma.  The wind was blowing through the tall grasses & the waves reminded me of the ocean. The sun was shining brightly and a peace I only feel when I am on a beach engulfed me & my mind became very clear.  I now understand what I have heard from those who have reached a higher state of enlightenment & from mystics - I have been in a constant meditative state.  Amazing feeling.  With no effort I slip easily into a conscious state of mediation.  Been happening all weekend.  Mostly I am thought free, just aware & in tune with myself & all that is around me.  It is so cool that even my dogs feel it.  They will all three come & quietly lay on my lap or, as now, beside my chair.   They are all laying exactly the same - flat out on their bellys, legs extended, head between front paws.   And me, well I feel like I am in the middle of a meditation - breathing perfectly, relaxed, totally in the Now, tingling with Energy.

I have been recording thoughts since Friday to use in my writings.  Things I hear, things that pop into my head, epiphanies, ah ha moments.  To live totally in the Now with no thoughts of the Past or the Future is not an easy assignment.  We are all in a hurry to finish Today so we can move on to all of our Tomorrows.  But what is a tomorrow?  It is simply the Now that has arrived.  To live fully present in the moment is to have fully arrived.  The destination has been reached.  There is nothing else - only Now.  If we are not fully present Now we will miss so much.  What has past is Past.  It cannot be fixed or altered in any way.  It is like a small death.  It no longer exists in this reality.  The same is true of the Future.  It does not yet exist in this consciousness.  The Future has yet to be born.  Nothing we can do will hurry it to be born Today.  It will be born in its own time.  Now is what we should be fully experiencing.  There is so much to be lost by not living fully in the Moment.  Had I not been fully immersed in the Moment on Friday I would not have enjoyed the fabulous meal I shared with a dear friend, would have had only a superficial conversation over dinner not the in depth from my heart words that I spoke, would not have understood the beautiful imagery in the decor of the restaurant - the symbolic use of the element, would have missed the full impact of the music at the concert, would have missed the beautiful night of moon & stars as we drove home with the top down.  It was magical.  And Saturday was the same - a magical night of more music.  Of hearing the words to songs I have heard for decades but hearing them with new ears & finding new meaning.  If I were not fully present I would not have enjoyed such restful sleep with beautiful visions uninterrupted by cares or worries.  And today, fully engaged in living.  Each task was completed because I wanted to complete it.  No thought of the tasks for tomorrow.  Today was a combination of mundane tasks that took on beauty & beautiful tasks that enriched my Spirit.

My goal is to continue this stage of my Journey, to hear the voice that is leading me onward.  I have had my cards read a couple of times lately & the messages are always the same.  The Path is laid out & I must walk it onward toward my Destiny.  Yes, there are worldly things I must do in order to have the ability to walk my Path.  But I am beginning to see that the Path may, one day, be able to finance the Journey.  But that is Tomorrow & on Tomorrow I shall not dwell.  Today is a magical day filled with beauty, promise, & great peace.  Now is a blessed place to live!!

I wish for you, dear ones, to experience Now.  To live fully, to love unconditionally, & to understand your highest Purpose.  It is in your heart - Stop & Listen.  The Universe will reveal itself in its own time to you in your Now.

~~blessed be...

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A shift is coming...

I am reading it in many of the blogs I read daily. I am hearing it in conversations with friends. There is a paradigm shift coming. When??? I do not know. That is for the Universe to decide. But I know shift, a change, is happening within me.

A friend commented one day on my love for animals. It is not a usual "Oh, I like animals". I have a true affinity for them as living beings. I can see their souls. I believe they pass to the Other Side just as humans pass. I believe some are very old souls - like my furkid Scrappy. You can see it in his eyes. He is deep - a very old soul. He has a great understanding & acceptance of that which is Unseen. Lobo on the other hand is a very young soul. He sees the Unseen but approaches in a much more exhurbant manner. He is a perpetual puppy with puppy excitement even though he will be eight in October. His is an all out zest for living. Full throttle, headlong into everything. Zane falls somewhere inbetween. Zane can be sweet, loving or he can be a terror. I know/have known humans like all of them. Today I read this in Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth - "Once there is a certain degree of Presence, of still and alert attention in human beings' perceptions, they can sense the divine life essence, the one indewelling consciousness or spirit in every creature, every life-form, recognize it as one with their own essence and so love it as themselves." I hope I live in that degree of Presence. My dream is for everyone to live in that Presence. If we all did just that, Nature & human-kind could reside peacefully in true compliment to each other.

I am finding myself wanting to delve deeper into my awareness of the Divine, the Psychic, the Spirit World.  I just want everyone to get along & be tolerant of others. You don't have to agree with how someone else lives, the choices they make, but I believe you have to respect their right to do so. Jesus preached love. That's all I want in my life---love for others, for all living beings.  Peace, love, a feeling of community, an acceptance of others. Non-violence. I believe in non-violence. I have had too much violence in my life.

2012 has been busy for me.  January is always a busy month at work.  Closing out the books, tax reports, tax forms, new files, & on & on.   This year my 60th year in this Life began.  WOW...there was a time I thought that was so very, very old.  Not so anymore!  There were times I was not sure I would see this age.  Well, here I am world.  Roaring along as usual.  Lots more going on too.  I am now a Reiki II practioner, finished my training a few weeks ago.  I have been deep into meditation, getting ready to start back to practicing yoga.  Ready for the weather to stay nice so I can take long walks after work & on the weekends.  Been using my mini-stepper almost every morning.  Really watching the foods I eat.  White sugar & white flour are out of my diet completely.  Haven't had a soft drink since the end of December.  Waiting on the latest blood work to come back so we can see where the thyroid levels are now.  This has been going on every couple of months for awhile now.  Still adjusting meds.  Overall I feel good, but I am cold almost daily & some days the fatigue is really bad.  I have had a few days where I slept off & on all day.  I have been on a new med for quite a few months now (Triosint) which I like it is just a matter of getting the doseage right.   I have lost 15 lbs with very little effort.  So 35 to go.  I'm doing it in 10 lb increments.  Seems to be a mind game that works well for me. 

My psychic abilities seem to be growing.  I am, daily, feeling more & more of that side of me.  I have amazing dreams & visions. Have attended several holistic & psychic fairs lately.  Plan to do more of that.  The readings I am having done are really opening up my mind.  Funny, I give the reader NO information & I get information about everything I am currently mulling over or wondering about.  Destiny is placing me with the people I need, in the places I need, knowing what I need to know to continue my Journey.  The Path is becoming quite clear.  Even though I am a believer, a seeker, & always have been the process never ceases to amaze me.  I love the magic that surrounds all of us.  Being open to it entering your being is key.  I'll take all I can get.

I will post more on my readings, my Journey, & the messages I am getting later.  For now, dear ones, it is off to work so I can afford my real life.  May Light & Love, Peace & Joy,  Family & Friends,  Good Times & Blessings fill your days.
blessed be...