Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Thinkin'...

"If we weren't all crazy, we'd go insane" ~Jimmy Buffett~
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Yep, it's true. I go a little crazy now & again. All the rainy weather really bummed me out for awhile. I was so stoked to see SUN on Sunday. Looks good for the rest of the week. I discovered during this most recent monsoon season that while I love the Great NW (Seattle & Portland most particularly) I cannot live there anymore. ~frowns~ I need SUN, I need warm weather on a regular basis. I find my thoughts more & more traveling to Key West. It is so laid back, to me so real. The people, locals, I met when I was there were authentically themselves. No glossing over who they are. Like me. What ya see is what ya get.
I think I am going through another emergence (is that a word??) of who I am. I want more & more to find a place where I can find shops that sell crystals, herbs, New Age music. A place where like-minded people gather for stimulating conversation. I am always so excited when I spot such a shop in OKC or Tulsa or Dallas. Haven't gotten Sparky to stop yet, but I know the way to those towns on my own ~LOL~. I think he is more spiritual than he realizes. Either that or I am rubbing off on him. ~smiles~ He takes the "hits" in life more calmly knowing everything will work out. He speaks of being "watched out for" & of things "happening as they are supposed to". While I don't think I will ever get him to have his cards read or visit a psychic fair I know he believes in the unseen. I know he respects my walks in that realm.
I have been just a little sad lately but I really think it is the weather. Plus I really don't like my job. Honestly, it's not so much that I don't like it but rather that I am bored. It is so slow that I spend much of my day trying to be busy. I would rather truly be busy. I am not challenged on a daily basis so I am bored. Bored brings me down. I really need a new job, but no one is hiring here for any jobs that pay what I need to make to keep the furbabies & me with our heads above water. We do have a certain standard of living to maintain, & believe me it ain't grand just comfortable.
My Totem is beginning to visit regularly in the house. I saw him twice last night. Just hanging out, floating through. Now I need to really connect to see what message is there. Everything I am seeing right now is positive, loving, & feels safe. While I think Zane, my schnauzer/corgi baby, saw something behind me yesterday he did not like, it did not feel threatening. But he would not stop snarling while looking past me out of his crate. I probably should burn some sage tonight & smudge the house. It has been awhile since I have done that.
So, I am going to be starting up my reading again, working in meditation with Great Spirit & my Totem, as well as getting busy on the investment endeavor Sparky & I are working on because it will be my ticket to whatever I want to do with the rest of my life if it pays off the way we invision.
Think I should paint the ceiling of my front porch blue like in Key West & the Caribbean to keep away the evil spirits. Gonna hang wind chimes even if Sparky does not like them after all he doesn't live with me. I also need to set my fountain up in the house again. Lobo thinks it is his personal fountain (water bubbles up out of a rock) but I don't see that as a problem.
So, while there is some conflict I am finding my path. Continuing to walk toward my Purpose. I went to a psychic in OR 11-12 yrs ago who told me many things that have come to pass. One that has always stayed with me is that she told me "You are a healer". I have seen it in some ways. That is the path I would really like to walk.
I had my cards read in WA 4-5 yrs ago & when I met the young woman she asked if she could hug me & of course I said sure. She hugged me, stepped back, & said "Wow, I have never felt that before. You have no agenda". I thought that was so cool, because that is how I feel. So now that is how I live my life-no agenda. I think that was so positive for me to hear from another person. To me, with no agenda of my own, I can focus on who I am with at any given moment. I can be fully present. I can give the message (if it is given to me) that someone needs to hear at any given time. There are times that I have to remind myself to be agendaless so that I can be fully present. To be able to truly listen & connect with another. Hum, I'm gonna work on that some more. I think the Path of my Journey is beginning to reveal itself.
Blessed be...
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Interesting note: My horoscope for today.
May 19, 2009
Aquarius (1/20-2/18)
Growth is always a good thing, but you should take a break from pushing yourself right now. Today will not be best spent challenging yourself or starting any difficult conversations. Settle in to a routine right now, and find comfort in doing the same things in familiar patterns. There is something to be said for predictability. Plus, if things never got boring, shaking them up again would not feel nearly as wonderful. Let the dust settle on your newly renovated life.

3 comments:

Barry Moses (Sulustu) said...

Wow! Having no agenda is a true gift. Is this something you always had, or did you develop this way of being more recently?

Oklahoma Girl said...

Sulustu, I think I have had this for many years (going back to childhood but I lost it for many years). Probably starting about 15 yrs ago is when it resurfaced in my life. It was only brought to my attention through the reading. Since then I have been acutely aware of living this way. When I am fully aware of no agenda within me I have great peace & contentment. I feel then that I am living completely authentically, being fully present, & absolutely in the moment. I like that way of life. Blessed be...

jen said...

You are such a special person. I loved reading your "current state" rain included.

To be agendaless - I agree with Barry. WOW. But, in someways, "Wow" doesn't cut it. What I'm really feeling is that you are so evolved - from the pain you've been through - refining you to a purer silver - someone able to reflect all the beauty.

Even in the comments you leave for me and have over these last several months, I feel that agendalessness. (Now, there's a doozy of a word.) You are a special lady...I hope we can meet in June.