Once again I will be writing about my vision/dream of life at my wooded cabin.
I awoke this morning feeling refreshed & famished. Grey & the Pack are ready to go romping in the woods around the cabin & I am cooking breakfast, making coffee, & putting away the things I brought with me. I always sleep soundly here. The quiet seeps into my very soul. Here I feel nothing but peace. I cherish the solitude. Lucky for me the kitchen is fully stocked. He always makes sure to put in enough supplies for me for a few days when I arrive. Fresh fruit, bread, my favorite coffee. I take my food & head outside to the porch to drink in the early morning light & sounds. Later I will do my morning meditation, maybe a little yoga. Mostly though I will just enjoy being home. The morning is cool & crisp. A light breeze plays through the wind chimes hanging around the porch. The soft tinkle of music is serenaded by the sound of birds flying overhead & foraging in the brush. I have never been afraid here. So far from town & alone. I could have a road cut, drive up here in my four-wheel drive truck, but that would defeat my purpose in being here. I want to be in a rustic setting, living off the land as much as I can. Tonight I know the Pack will hunt. The rabbits & small game around the cabin are not enough to sustain them, especially Grey who is incredibly large for a wolf. Grey has always been with me. He has walked beside me since I was 10. While the other two are mortal, Grey is not. Grey is a spirit creature though he does enjoy a hunt & will morph into a physical wolf so that he can enjoy the taste of the hunt. He walks between this world & the next. He will always be here or somewhere nearby for me. He reveals himself to a few others from time to time, but only when he knows they are open & when he knows it will benefit me or the other person for him to be visible. Grey is my protector, my guide, & my strength.
I wonder though when he will come back. He knows I'm here or the roses wouldn't have been in the cabin. He never likes to leave the woods, but he will do it when he knows I am coming home. The roses are always the message that he knows I am here, knows I am ready to live his lifestyle. His spirit is that of a gypsy, too, but he does not & never has possessed the wanderlust that fills my spirit so often. He hopes each time that I will wander no more. That I will finally be satisfied staying here with him.
Life here is hard, & easy in some ways. No phones, no internet, no neighbors. But in the dead of winter it can be dark, gloomy, & it will eat at your soul from loneliness if you are not prepared. I come when I have been out in the world too much. Too much noise, too many people, too much distraction, too much chaos. I guess it was the chaos that first brought me to this place. My heart was heavy & my head too full of noise. I was loosing myself in the world. So when it all gets to be too much, when I feel the depression clawing at me with sharp talons, & my head becomes a mess of noise I come home. I am a student of humans. I like to people watch. I am social to a degree. But inside I am very shy preferring to sit on the sidelines & observe. Then I write. My writing sustains me.
Sometimes the craziness brings me here. He can sooth me from the turmoil, reminding me of my higher self. Reminding me that my destiny is not yet fulfilled. I can just be! I can, though, sooth myself here too. It is easy to find peace when all around you lives simply, in the now, just taking today for what it is with no worries about yesterday or tomorrow. His fear, I think, is that I will learn to do this full-time in the world. I get better at that every day. The times that I return to the woods have gotten less frequent. I am able to bring that beautiful solitude with me into my life in the world. The world that I must live in to fund my adventures. Someday the adventure of living may not hold the same feeling for me, but until then I come & go as I need to in order to be a fully functioning individual.
For now, I am here...fully present in the Now. Just being one with the environment. Maybe he will stop by today & we can philosophize about life. A good conversation is one of my greatest pleasures. I love the give & take & sharing of ideas.
So, what is real & what is fantasy?